Lived Experience Forum

[DMT]

Hello saltandpepper. I just joined today and read some of your posts. I hope you are finding the support you need. I noticed how thoughtful and caring you are in your replies. These are lovely qualities you have and I just wanted to remind you of that. Take care of yourself.

I am not sure where to start here, but I am happy to chat.

[Former-Member]

Hello @saltandpepper , I have just read your post and thought I would say hello. I have four adult children and one beautiful preteen granddaughter, who is gorgeous and sassy, to sassy for her own good sometimes 😏

I have struggled with DID, anxiety and depression for too many years to count now and was recently diagnosed with Complexed PTSD. I too struggle with the idea that it would be easier just to let go and believe it or not it’s still my adult children that make me stay. I could see how you wrote about your son that you are a very loving and caring parent and your son is lucky to have you as are you him. 

If if you haven’t already please explore the forum and join in on any of the conversations, you will find many caring and supportive souls here. Just as we will try our best to support you, you may find you are able to do that for others here. 

Hope me your day has been kind to you 🦋🦋

[Former-Member]

Hello @saltandpepper . I'm around if you'd like to chat, up to you. Take care.

[Former-Member]

Hello @saltandpepper
Welcome. I’ve been on forum on and off.
It’s not always easy is it?
I found myself not being able to get out of bed today also.
I have multiple issues at home to deal. For most part I keep afloat but continual negative gets me down. And partners projection has got to me. I’m unsure what helps. But plenty of people have always been here to let you know, your not alone too. 🙂

[saltandpepper]

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @DMT @Owlunar

Hey guys, appreciate your responses and I am sorry I didn't get back to any of you until now. I hope you're all keeping well and have had some good days over these past few weeks.

I'm not great at jumping online all too often--a mix of being busy and I sometimes find it all a bit overwhelming. I came here for support and it's been incredible the responses I've had here, it's really appreciated. I suppose at the same time, I'm perhaps not sure what to do with it, I don't really get support like this anywhere else--I mean yeah in therapy, but not anywhere else. I must admit when I first joined the site I had to pull back because everyones responses being so caring and kind was just... Unexpected? And I mean I really really appreciate it, so much, it was just a lot to take in.

So if I'm not around, I do still read the messages I get in my email, it just takes me a while to get comfortable with the thought of being here and actually talking. I'm sorry for that. Perhaps that will settle down the track?

I'm worried that in writing this it sounds like I'm not grateful, I really don't mean that. And it means a lot when I see you guys are resoonding and showing support, so thank you all.

I haven't had the best few days, and it's starting to get on top of me. Therapy has changed my life in a hundred different ways, but there are times like this where it just feels too painful. Been feeling physically sick since my last session, didn't make it out of bed over the weekend. I want to keep getting it all out with my therapist, but it's this backlash that makes it hard. The days after when I feel sick and can't function and I can't talk to my partner about it.

If anyone is around, I'd really appreciate a chat. I'm in the mood to drink and drown it all out but I know it's not helpful in the end and it only makes it harder the next day. So here I am, if anyone is about.

Cheers guys

[Former-Member]

@saltandpepper, I completely understand how you feel about the support you get from here. I have been around a lot since March this year and it still gets overwhelming for me at times. Definitely not a great time to be drinking it almost always makes it worse. Are you safe? 💜Izzy

[saltandpepper]

Hey @Former-Member cheers for the response. Yeah I know it's not helpful but possibly better than other alternatives I guess, it gets very hard to not drink sometimes, I caved. How've you been? Hope you've beem going ok and I'm real glad to hear you get where I'm coming from with the overwhelming thing. Thanks again for writing back

[Former-Member]

I so get that with the drinking, I have been on an alcohol ban for months now. My counsellor called my ex and he came over and cleared it all out of the house and because of my anxiety I can't to get more. Unfortunately things aren't good for me right now but am working on getting the help I need, I want my life back. 

If you are up for it you should take a look around the fourm and jump into any conversation that you find a connection with or you feel you have something to add.  I know at first that might seem to much but the guys here are really lovely and supportive. 

How are you feeling tonight @saltandpepper 

[saltandpepper]

Months without a drink is a pretty tall effort hey @Former-Member well done. Though, I'm not sure what your counsellor did would sit well with me if I were in your position. Sounds like a breach in trust to me.

I'm sorry things aren't going great for you right now, did you want to talk about it? I think it's a good sign though that you've written you want your life back, that's positive.

To be honest I'm feeling kind of fragile at the moment, I don't think I feel up to jumping into other threads, but I will keep it in mind for the future.

I'm feeling sad, I think. Maybe mourning a little for the past. Therapy session focused a lot on reopening old wounds and it's sitting with me. I'm mot feeling physically sick anymore, I think that's passed, just feeling a bit depressed I guess.

[Former-Member]

It is a tall order this not drinking thing but it's definitely for the best. No breach where my counsellor is concerned as we made the ageeement that if she deemed me to be at risk she would call him. We are still friends and he has actually moved back in temporary because I needed 24 hr monitoring and is keeping me out of hospital. 

I understand not wanting to jump into other threads right now. I am sorry you session has opened up old wounds, this moving forward gig seems to entail a lot of looking back if you ask me. I am happy you not feeling sick anymore though. Would you mind me tagging a couple of members into this conversation as I think they could be of great value to you. I will wait for your reply before doing so though. 

@saltandpepper