Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

Yeah I get it @Lee82 and look, when I first jumped on here, I think I was in the sort of place you're in now. I want to say that I wasn't coping well at all, and as I said a while ago, it does get harder to pull out of those dark places. But I want you to know the support you gave me and all the positivity that poured out of your messages helped me so much. At the time, I felt hopeless, and you told me it's about hanging in until it passes. Being set off with triggers or flashbacks takes you down to the darkest most gruelling places and when you're there it's hard to remember feeling any other way. You're in a dark place, and it's tough and it's consuming, but I'm hopeful for you. You were positive and shone light on my darkness and I believe you will feel strong again.

I know you want to be at peace and not have to deal with these challenges anymore, and of course, you deserve that, we should all have that. And I think we can have all of the things you're yearning for, just not all at the same time. Some nights we sleep easier, that's a win. Some days we aren't triggered, that's a win. Some days we smile, laugh, that's a win. We have these small but meaningful victories every day, but we don't always see them or take the time out to recognise they've happened. It is depressing when we don't have good days or nights, and yeah, when we're there it feels hopeless. But I'm hopeful for you Lee. You shared your strength with me and that makes me hopeful.

[Lee82]

I just read through our messages from the past and I can't believe that was me talking. It seems like a completely different person. I am so nowhere near that place right now. However I am so so glad that it helped you through your dark times. That makes me feel happy. 
thank you for your positive thinking. It gives me a little hope that maybe just maybe I will be able to get myself out of this dark hole I am in.

@saltandpepper 

[saltandpepper]

I know it's hard to remember a time when you've felt positive when you're in such a bad headspace, but you have been before and you will be again, I'm sure of it my friend. Try to give yourself some down time and rest, be kind to yourself, you deserve kindness @Lee82 

[Lee82]

Thank you @saltandpepper your kind words mean a lot. I hope today is a good day for you. 💕

[saltandpepper]

Same to you @Lee82 🙂

[Lee82]

Do you anything planned for today? @saltandpepper 

[saltandpepper]

Nothing earth shattering @Lee82 just a bit of work and probably need to tackle the pile of wood in my yard today. Had a frost this morning so I really need to pull my finger out and stack it.

what about yourself?

[Lee82]

What do you do for work @saltandpepper ? Nothing much today. I am currently sitting down with my 8year old trying to help him with his school work. Thought I'd try and give it a go since I have been doing nothing but laying around since Friday. Other than that not doing anything else. 

[saltandpepper]

Good on you for helping the little guy out, even though it must be the last thing you feel like doing right now. I'm not looking forward to that stage, think I'll need to brush up/actually bother to learn a lot of the basics again. Did not excel/barely managed/eventually failed school.

I run a very small independent retail business, albeit online only at the moment. But it keeps me busy, sometimes too busy. I'm very set on work never being more important than my son. So while things aren't as busy as they could be work wise, it gives me time with him and that matters more to me than anything. I don't ever want him to feel alone and neglected. I never want him to feel like he's not important. I never want him to yearn for my attention. Sometimes it's hard to balance, but yeah, that's life hey?

[Owlunar]

Hi @saltandpepper 

That's great that although you didn't finish school you still run a small on-line retail business - and it keeps you busy - 

Also - that you are there for your son - he's not alone and neglected - I am sure you are really there for him - in this day and age of working mothers that's pretty special

I am older and less women worked when my kids were young - sometimes I had to find a job to make ends meet though that had to be at weekend or nights or I did temporary work because my then-h had lost his job and he would be home for the kids - I did go to university part-time but I was able to work that around school hours - it kept me going though tough years and I admire you for actually having an on-line job - that's brilliant

I really liked to have my studies and chores done when the kids were at school - imo - being there for our kids is a huge job - I often wonder though how women manage it all when they have to work - being a mother is a really difficult job

All the best

Dec