I can’t cope

[Captain24]

It’s the same shit every time @Jynx.

i can even tell you what will be said! 

I go back to work on Monday so i need to do it all before then otherwise i will have more to do than i should have. I like to start work fresh then i have nothing to think about. 

It’s only 29 degrees here so it’s not hot.  I’ve  almost finished the backyard. It takes about 2 hours. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24  lol sounds like a productive time 😅

Aye true... I dunno sometimes when I'm stressed about how much I have to do, I have to literally stop and ask myself like, which thing would have the worst consequences for not getting done? Like if I leave the yard till next week, will it be that much harder to mow? But I need clothes for tomorrow, so I pick doing laundry over doing yard. Like yeah both need to get done, but I know if I push myself to do both, I'm gonna end up completely overwhelmed. 

On the flipside though, if leaving these things undone would potentially cause higher anxiety than not, that's also fair!

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@Captain24 wrote:

It’s only 29 degrees here so it’s not hot. 

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I'm sorry this phrase does not compute. 29 is NOT HOT? You have a very different acclimatisation to me lol anything above 25 and I start getting cranky!

[Captain24]

I forgot to answer.. that Lego will just go in a cupboard like the rest. I have nowhere to display them. @Jynx 

Im glad you have had a chill day. I’ve never had lemonade, I wouldn’t know where to start to make it. 

I have to do my front lawn tomorrow. I’m out of daylight. I have ironed my work clothes. That was a necessity. I am overwhelmed. I want to try and get most stuff done by the time I go to the meeting. But I’ll just do the bare necessities as I can’t do it all. 

Im sitting here crying at the moment because both dogs are barking constantly. I can’t shut them up. I’m ready to hurt myself or them. They just won’t stop. I’m so aggravated. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 lemonade is pretty easy! Just lemon juice and sugar syrup 😉

Bare necessities sounds like a wise choice hun. 

Oh hun, you're at max capacity right now aren't ya!! Honestly I'm not surprised you're feeling like this,  and having lots of relentless barking.... oof, it's like the awful sensory nightmare icing on the emotionally overwhelmed cake. 

Are you concerned about acting on those SH thoughts hun? Let me know if you wanna lil email check in to suss some safety planning 💜

[Captain24]

They’re still barking @Jynx. When they stop Jett just jumps up in the lounge and is in my face. His face is right up near mine. If I move him he goes back there. Pix is scratching at my legs to get up. It hurts, she gets her claws out like a cat. I can’t take. 

[Jynx]

Ouch!! @Captain24 talk about the motherlode of sensory overwhelm. Do you know what might have gotten em riled up, or are they just like this sometimes? Maybe it's the full moon?

[Captain24]

I don’t know what their problem is @Jynx. They are chihuahuas so they do bark but this is relentless. I don’t know if it’s the moon. I don’t know if they are just horrible dogs. I don’t know if it’s my fault. I don’t know what to do. Someone is going to hurt soon. I can’t take it. I’ve taken my meds in the hope that they knock me out. They haven’t been though. Maybe I should take extra. I’m not coping

[Jynx]

@Captain24 hmm... just a thought, but perhaps you could try to approach with a lens of curiosity? I know I know, extra challenging when one is dysregulated! But they're trying to communicate something. I mean it could be as simple and silly as there being a possum or something outside; maybe even a fox or dingo if it's got them this riled up. And unless you've done something significantly out of character or unusual to their routine, I sincreley doubt it could possibly be your fault. I mean heck, it could literally just be some kind of night time road works making machinery noises that you can't actually hear, but that's got them all frazzled!

If you do take extra, please be safe!! And do you reckon you have it in you to reach out to lifeline or SCBS chat if things feel too much? You only got me for another halfa and a bit, and I just wanna make sure you're gonna be ok. My poor Captain you're getting rocked about something fierce tonight! 🥺🫂

[Captain24]

I haven’t done anything different @Jynx. I don’t know if anything is around. We do have the odd fox that gets about. 

Now they are both licking me. I hate it. Pix wants something but I don’t know what it is. She won’t let up. 

I can’t call. They will think I’m stupid that my dogs are getting to me. 

I don’t even know how much is safe. I don’t know if I even care. The Sh urge is really strong. I’m shaking. It’s too hard. 

[Jynx]

Maybe Pix is just sensing your emotional state @Captain24? And wants to comfort? 

I mean if anyone from a support centre ever made you feel like your distress was 'stupid' I'd be filing a formal complaint. Besides... like I said earlier, the dogs are the icing. You got the whole nightmare cake too, and so I reckon it'd be pretty easy for whomever you spoke to to see why you're in this state, and why the dogs are doing your head in. Food for thought of course, I just want you to feel like you have options, especially cos I'm logging off soon. 

I'd really encourage you to not take any more than you've taken in the past at the very least. And then (for future you to think about, not right now) you might wanna chat to your pdoc about whether it would help to increase the dose or something. 

I'm doing the rounds of my goodbyes, but I'm still here with you for another 20 mins hun. Just sitting with ya, big hugs a-comin 🫂🫂