I can’t cope

[Snowie]

@Captain24 once again those thoughts seem to be taking over.

A question I ask myself is "Would I say this to someone else?" 

I would never have these thoughts about someone else, so why is it different for me. 

Do you have any positive affirmations written down? Like I am worthy of help, I am doing the very best I can, etc. I have a few copies. A copy in my room, a copy in my bag, even a copy in my car.

No they don't always help, yes I get frustrated, yes sometimes they are hard to believe, they are hard to quieten down, but in the end maybe it's worth a try. Sometimes it just gives me those few minutes to calm down. 

Just a thought.....

[Captain24]

They have taken over and are very loud @Snowie 

No I would speak to anyone like this but I find it hard to not see myself as deserving those words. I’ve tried reframing. ‘ I am not useless I just need a break’ ‘My dogs think I’m worthy’ ‘I’m not as hopeless as I think, I have made achievements this morning’ so I can do it just not accept it. At least I’ve learnt something though.

I don’t have affirmations written but I do have a list of positive words about me. I can see some of them within myself (huge step!) It’s hard to apply them to myself. I do apply a lot of them to others though. 

Thanks for your help and encouragement! 

Hope you are ok? 

[Snowie]

It is certainly very hard to say these positive things about ourselves at times when we can clearly see them in others @Captain24 In no way is it simple.

Even now there are times when I don't believe those kind words I say towards myself. I have been known to rip up my affirmations before and throw them out!

It takes time, but that is also hard to accept, especially when we are in the moment.

I'm ok. Had ECT yesterday and went to festival/market this morning.

Have you got anything planned for the rest of the day?

[Captain24]

I’ll get there one day @Snowie 

When I’m like this I actually read my

mirror more. 

A festival sounds exciting but a lot of people so well done on getting out. 

I’ve taken sleeping meds so I’m going to bed and hoping the knock me out soon. 

You have any plans for the rest of the day?

[Snowie]

I don't think we will ever get rid of these thoughts @Captain24 Just hopefully in the future we can manage them better and see more good in ourselves than bad.

It is a very big festival, people come from a long way away. They have all carnival rides too. 

I hope you get some sleep hon. I haven't got much on so will probably be just hanging out on here. Remember I'm only a tag away 💕 

[Jynx]

Hey @Captain24 omigawsh, that is like, the COOLEST lego set I've seen this year!! Aww...maybe except for the new Dungeons & Dragons set lol. But I love it! Where are you gonna display it? 

How has your Saturday been so far? 

[Captain24]

That festival sounds cool @Snowie we have a massive festival here in September I think 7000 people bought tickets. We’re a town of 10000

so a lot of outsiders came. I don’t go to it, it’s all good and wine. 

It’s cool @Jynx. The screen is in a roller so it rolls through and Mario jumps up and down. 

Im full of self hatred, self loathing today. I’ve just woken up from a nap. 

@Snowie made me look at the good points of myself. I can see them when dealing with others but totally can’t treat myself the same. 

Right now I couldn’t care if I wasn’t here. I’m developing a dependency on my sleeping meds. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 oh no way it's even interactive! I love that! 

Sometimes naps leave me feeling super groggy and out of it, could that have also contributed to how you're feeling? 

Maybe for this arvo/evening, you could make a goal for yourself to do just one (1) nice thing for yourself. It could be as small as getting yourself a lil choccie treat! 

You got much else on thise evening?

[Captain24]

I was feeling like it before I went to bed @Jynx its the reason I went. 

Im just mowing my backyard. I discovered I have a black fella meeting tomorrow. So it’ll take some time out of my day while they carry on with bullshit. 

Because I’ve slept every afternoon I have so much to do tomorrow before I go back to work. I still have to weed more of the front garden and mow the front lawn. Plus ironing and housework. Oh and bath 2 dogs. 

How was your Saturday? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 ahh fair. 

Oh gosh, so like, you gotta just kinda sit there listening to the bullshit? Oh boy what a hoot 😑

Wow! So many things!! Sure a couple can't be saved for another day? It's so hot to be doing yard work!!

Saturday has been pretty chill so far! At some point I gotta finish making my lemonade from the 45 or so lemons I picked off my neighbour's tree 😅