Being misstreated

[kristin]

Hey Anne, 

This isn't the guy who killed your previous dog is he? I'm a bit concerned to be honest. If I've got it all wrong forgive me but it's my protective instincts going on alert! Anyway it doesn't sound like him visiting is helpful. You are allowed to tell him you don't want his company, you know?

Kind regards, 

Kristin

[PeppiPatty]

@kristin, thank you so very much for your concern. My problems are not anything compared to others. I am so so thankful and feeling loved that you remember what I went through. Thank you, thank you. @kristin, oh. I've tried to keep it light online.....but typically @kristin gets to the real issue...........

Xx

I'm sitting here not answering the door when he comes knocking.......he is completely not needed here but I don't want to call the police because when they turn up, they have been so........wrong.
He turned up and I've been nice but today I just couldn't stand it anymore so I've been sitting on my couch waiting for him to go away.Two days of nightmares.

I just don't want to go through that whole.......going to court and getting restraining order and then because he hasn't hit me but leaves when I tell him to go........he starts yelling just before he leaves and leaves me falling apart. then he turns up and starts belligerently copying my voice about being scared, so I tell him to go away and still have to wait for him to actually leave. He leaves but it's about thirty seconds before he goes so he's yelling at me. I go to court and he's there to fight it and he goes to the police to tell them I have very high medication and have MI..... A policeman has called and abused me already. it's exhausting.

Hes also living homeless just down the street. He does work but he spent all on illegal substances. now he's quit .....he's like gone.........crazy.
I can't bear having to go to court again and if I just keep on not answering the door, he won't come back.

[Troubled_One]

@kristinIt is always nice to have your insightful view on things.

@Jon22Thanks  for your encouranging words.

@PeppiPattyWell I will try say it simple, my father is adopted and my mother has had two marriages and our family being the second. My brother and I both agree that we were never trusted as children only until yesterday when we had to ask for it, it was never given in regards to the family and tried to make things work.

Thank you for your interest and ofcourse everyone helped which I am truely greatful for.

So what did your boyfriend hear about?

[PeppiPatty]

dear @Troubled_One,

Ille tell you about my feral ex partner. we dated for a bit over a yeAr . He got a big paying job and fell into illegal substances and drinking alcohol after 8-10 months and I banned him from my home but he took my dog for a walk and he didn't notice my doggy falling into a deep part of the beach or the signs saying no dogs and he drowned.

What he supposedly heard was that I have a friend.....who he decided was no good to be with me. He wasn't even anything but a bit of company to watch a DVD with anyway!!
unfortunately, I was surprised and let my ex partner into my home for a cuppa and now I've made an agreement with my neighbours to help me block him out again. Three days of nightmares. I need to be better with my boundaries....so rang lifeline to talk to someone immediately to get my boundaries clear in my mind because I was feeling a bit out of control inside my head.

I am nothing special but easily manipulated. My lesson this year is to tighten boundaries to people who were/are nice, give me a scrap of good stuff and I feel will give me more, like my ex partner who I left three or four months ago. I am not interested in him or anyone but tightening my boundaries.

It doesn't just include my ex partner but my family as well and friends. @kristin and @allessandra1992 to only name two know me well. they and others like @Rick @loopy....heaps more know when I'm in a bad place.....

the amazing thing is that since joining Sane, I can feel definite changes in my life.

the most important thing for me is to have had written down my list of issues and number them in importance and like 'knock em on the head.'
the bane in my life was my mother and father yelling at me all my life but I've dealt with that one now, at least half of it. I worked out with SAne forums people reminding me I am proud to be a consumer which means I have accessed mental health agencies in the past.
so I said my Mum when she was yelling at me one day, I said...did you know you are affecting my daily mental health and have never been yelled at again. It's like I got confidence to say it.

now @Troubled_One. Look what you've done ....youlle get to know me too :0)

thank you so much for asking ;0)

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @PeppiPatty
It is grand to see you are tapping into help early!! The police sometimes still need training over dealing with intervention orders as they should be able to understand that if you call for help, help is what you need. Not to be yelled at or made to feel guilty..
Keep your boundaries strong..it is tiring but it is about looking after you and your daughter's wellbeing.

Some folks like to push boundaries, cross boundaries and perhaps find the concept of personal boundaries quite difficult..

The main thing is to be consistent with yourself..you have a right to live peacefully in your community, you have a right to not be yelled at, and you have a right to be legally protected from physical, emotional or financial harm.

So if an intervention order is in place, it should be adhered to..as in police are there to be called when it is breached.

And they should be able to understand that sometimes we let our guard down, that doesn't mean we can never ask for help again..

Hugs to you Anne as life throws curve balls and it takes significant energy sometimes to figure whether to catch the ball or let it go for a sixer..

[Alessandra1992]

@justanorher47yr
Hey Anne, I meant you and arlo, as I am pretty sure your sons are grown up..and I think arlo might be a not name... Either way I imagine arlo might get stressed around yelling exes...

[Troubled_One]

@PeppiPatty  Yes I understand you it is hard to keep things in the right spot especially when people are doing the wrong things.

After my talk with my family about trust I realised that things still wern't working but yesterday I realised a few days before this meeting I told my father about it he pretty much immediatly changed his behaviour to always doing things right to not caring and I think is all to do with him and his uncomfortableness of being someone in the family he is used to getting angry or siding with people to get his control so he never has to show his real feelings. It really p*sses me off because after all this work to find the person is manipulating you really gets to my nerves.

Rant over!

@Alessandra1992  I think definetly keeping your boundaries strong and also the ones who mean the most to you even if you go through hell you will have a relationship in the end that is positive.

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @Troubled_One.

Your Father I guess.......is having his own internal journey happening......people do strange things remembering their version of the past. That sounds heavy doesn't it ?

Let me start again........

Your Father's memory of the past is his. His experience is not yours or your brothers.

My boundaries are strong. I'm very tired from the continuous abuse I've endured for last 3 to four days but at last, it's finished. his stuff like his scooter is moved.....after him parking in my car park and I've got my peaceful home back and good friends around me and and......you cool people.......

It feels like you could list the positive outcome of just your relationship with your brother. I am not a professional person or anything so you can do what you will but it feels like there is a journey opening up to you now your 31years old which has something to do with healing your own spirit concerning your brother......

does it make sense?

I don't know your experiences of this but am interested......could you get three pieces of paper and write out your Dad's journey, your journey and your brothers journey but you know, it's always good to get your own down first......


what do you think?

My darling neighbour came over last night and made me dinner and stayed here until about midnight so I got to sleep safely.

[PeppiPatty]

dearest @Alessandra1992

I am Sooo tired. I'm watching, 'Divergent,' daydreaming I'm the main character.....
It's crazy that you wonderful people got my anxious time out of me....you, @kristin @Troubled_One, I just don't know but writing it down was and is very good for me.
Kept my boundaries down but two or three police.....well.......
On the other hand on Sunday night policemen were absolutely wonderful.

I'm good now.......grand and tapping!!!

[Troubled_One]

@PeppiPatty  Yes it makes complete sense. Through all my writting you understand what I am saying.

I find not only trust is special but also understanding, repect and belief and is what I got my parents to tell me.

I realised today that this is something my brother should also want and I think he does. The meeting I think was more to get the communication started which has never happened as a family.

And I agree its all tiring but I think its on the right track