Being misstreated

[Troubled_One]

@Alessandra1992I am working on this bond with my family and really trying to bring things back together after a couple of fights. As anne says it is about my brother and i.

@PeppiPattyi am really trying to work on the connection with my brother and really feel positive now like alessandra said I am making a connection there.

I speak to my brother hopefully on the weekend after our arguement last time. Hoping this sorts things out and gets us back together as a family.

Hope for family connection endures.

[Troubled_One]

I thought I would write also that as @kristin said I am waisting all my energy on the hopes and dreams that everything will work out.

And that is exaclty how I feel, like the whole journey and all the effort and energy I have spent I got nothing left. My father and brother and mother have done nothing like I said and I feel hopeless.

I am still looking out for my psychologist and future hopes for my family but all my energy is spent.

[Troubled_One]

thanks @NikNik for moving annes section of the thread over to hers, if this is right?

@PeppiPattyfrom your message in your discussion on "dealing with a problem creatively", yes i am getting along with my brother, and i am calling him tomorrow. i saw my psychologist today and its like all the problems and effort i am working on panned out today. i am still struggling but i think i know why now.

its kind of like you say anne that the behaviour in our family is not working and it starts with my brother and i. if he and i are not getting along then its not going to work with my parnets.

so i am calling him tomorrow and i am hoping i explain myself and get some positivety going on in our family.

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Troubled_One,

Dear

I am reading @Scorpian latest letters.....on how he is focusing on his accident and how it's changed him.

You write of past times in your and your brothers life when your a teenager......sad.
can you find words to write how you feel when you talk to your brother.
How it was when you were.a teenager?
scorpions life experience.......very difficult but I really like how he is finding ways to explain his present self.

Maybe your words could deal with your problem creatively with words like........
My limbs in my body felt apart, felt broken from each other

when I was drinking alcohol when a teenager I didn't know how I felt, I didn't know how others felt. I wanted to push everything away..

I felt cut into pieces for years. do you know how I felt?
I needed to be near my Dad who I felt I needed. But it's changed. I wanted to ignore the difficult years.
Because he reminded me of my brother. I never understood how he felt.
he thinks like my Dad, he thinks like me.

After some years...when I was 31 years old....a whole 13 years after I last saw him........I felt I could lift my arm and hold the telephone and speak to my brother and I had to wait until I could actually feel not just my mind move with my body but my arm taking the action of holding the telephone.
I felt it couldn't happen until I was ready.

that's a very wordy wordy paragraph. Very quick. But your brother deserves to know that you wanna be with him. Not just because of the past but because you may be able to be friends now.

what do you think. you can borrow words from me but what do you think?

Is this too much??
Pictures from magazines help........if you find a picture that you feel shows you you can write better...???
what would your Psychologist think if you saw him/ her next with a big picture with your story and pictures on it.

the only way through is to be proactive and do it.
I'll just write to you, it's been really hard for me but if I didn't do anything, from 3 weeks ago, ...I just don't know.........

[Troubled_One]

anne.

You got me thinkin again.

i have got to get through to my brother. this whole time i have not expressed myself right and i have paid the price, no doubt you have as well.

my attitude has changed, i feel now that my brother is not committed, it may be because i have not explained myself right, but he is not committed.

i am digging my heels in this time.

i am not going to accept this horrible love my parents are giving me.

and it is going to start by me saying i am wrong. but i am going to want to hear that commitment from my brother that he is doing this. i do not know i have got that yet. my mistake for not explaining it, but that is as far as i will go.

Like you said the past has been horrible i will vent this and explain the missunderstanding that is happening in the family.

I think i get what you are saying anne. like the balance is out. my brother still ignores my father, i have ignored this, and things are not working. my mother agrees with this and everything is out of whack.

I spoke to my father about this before, and i think this is what is happening and is what you might be saying. I speak to my brother tonight and i am hoping to get a answer out of him,i think this is what you are saying?

Thanks for your help anne. lee.

[Troubled_One]

anne, i just spoke to my brother. i will leave out the swear words but, he is as dumb as a post.

right from yesterday when i was messaging him until today when i spoke to him, he just does not give me the opportunity to talk to him. he is always busy, in the wrong place or just completely iggnorant to anything i say.

today was no different, asking me rhetorical questions, talking crap, all i wanted to do was let him know that i have not expressed myself right this whole time, but he needs to step up and keep up his end of the bargain.

but like always he does not listen. now my mother will love him even for this. really he is not listening to my father, he does not agree with my father, but says he does but when it comes to crunch time he backs out.

i said i am sick of this and i am just not going to talk to him.

i tried talking to him but he is just a mummys boy, and will not shy away from this.

i do not know what to do, all i know is things arn't right, and now my thinking is all muddled up 😕

i feel like i am not right, like i am wrong in my family and they think that and my mind is playing tricks on me now because i am wrong. what do i do?

[PeppiPatty]

Dear Lee,

I reread a post @kristin wrote ...........

Reread her last post..

Your doing fine. Your brother will be fine .

There are going to be emotions all over the place....you are working very hard.....it must be annoying when things dont go right the first time.

I wrote the beginning of this message and slept on it.......

Ive woken up and the first thing that comes to mind is that you are doing too much. 

So, it feels like your brother is a bit overwhelmed as well. 

It makes me remember when at the end of World War 2, ITaly was so bombed down...the country was classed as a Third World Country. No where was safe. No food, no parents for the wandering children and cold. If i remember properly, by 1960, the country had been rebuilt. 

This inspires me to think of your brother is a little out of touch with being a brother, eyes wide open about talking to his brother, to his Mum and Dad. 

You did this. Good for you. You were the person who  kick started his wonderful journey. Now my friend, you can just do what you want to do for a little while......resting is good.??

Does this feel right for you? ? 

[Troubled_One]

@PeppiPattyyes, after i posted that reply i thought about it and, realised where i went wrong.

for some detail, i got my parents back together there for a meeting and spoke about understanding and a few other things which i felt were important. we did this before but my father likes to sit out of contact so this time i made them sit down and talk.

i realised i never voiced this to my brother. i think this is where we are going wrong and where you might be getting the idea anne, that my brother and i are not communicating. we are but knowing you understand each other, my brother, dad, mum and me is key. I think this is what you mean?

but, it is difficult. i am having a rough time at times but am persisting. i am hpoing to talk to my brother and say this and maybe he will get a better picture of what is going on. i think this is what you mean anne?

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @Troubled_One

I'm thinking I would just let things be for a day or so.......
Just see what happens. If you feel anxious.......reflect or write down the latest developments and just see what happens.....
Can anyone afford to out for coffee together?