Being misstreated

[NikNik]

Here is a free virtual coffee @PeppiPatty

[Troubled_One]

yah anne, i get the picture now, it is coming clear. i felt it with my father last night, the connection, also with my psychologist.

things are working. well atleast enough for me to realise that i can take a break, i see whats happening now.

[Troubled_One]

@PeppiPattyanne thanks for your concern about me. for the last few days i have been feeling very anxious panicy and like my throat is about to close off. i have seen the gp and have got on a better diet but i still think there is some issue with my brother and family. i will break it down for you.

i have been trying to contact my brother for the last few days but he is busy etc and i have been messaging him, on and off to try and get him to talk to me. i have been saying i need to talk and some times not to talk, i am unsure whether to talk to him or not, but now i think i do need to.

the only problem is is that i feel like he may never call and talk. its about understanding and we have not talked about that and i feel like that and a few other things are still not working in our family.

what should i do?

[Djneesha]

How do talk to your family knowing that your family criticizes and does not support you emotionally???

[PeppiPatty]

Dear Lee,

Yes i do hope your coping. Im So Pleased that you went to see the GP because .....how  an our friendship work if you didnt think about yourself? 

Sometimes old memories come up ...when your doing a Good Job with ylur family. FOR instance......how alone you felt wnen your a little boy. Now you may feel it and becahse you are more evolved and more older, it comes up but you think yojr ill. Your throat closes up. You think your brother isnt close to you.

I personally feel thT yluve been missing your brother for many yeRs. Maybe you can write him a note on email or something to tell him you missed hkm for many years and sometimes you just need tl cal. Jjst to remamber hes in ylur life ? 

Thanks Lee, your a beautiful special guy ! 

.h

[Appleblossom]

if your brother does not want to communicate there is little use in forcing the issue. 

I have a sister like that, possibly caused by a similar family dynamic.  Unfortunately, I have had to accept and let go.

What you can control is your actions.  I had problems with not speaking for a long time.I was often hoarse and croaky on the rare times i needed to talk in everyday life.  In my late 30s I discovered singing.  It kept my throat open and me vocalising and gave me a life.

Good luck with your brother, but more importantly stay connected with yourself.

[Former-Member]

I also agree with Appleblossom, the only person we can control is ourselves. Perhaps your brother is struggling with his own issues (possibly anxiety like you etc?) and cant cope with this situation right now. Maybe you could let him know that you would like to talk and that if he's not able to right now then that disappoints you but that you feel you have 'chased' him enough and the ball is now in his court to decide if he wants to continue the relationship. If he doesnt want a relationship at the end of the day, there isnt much you can do about it except look after yourself. I know youve worked really hard on bringing your family back together, and you should be proud of what you have tried to do. Families are complex and everyone will have their own perspectives, angers, frustrations, hopes and aspirations that are all different. Now that you have let them know what your hopes are you have allowed yourself to be honest with them, unfortunately this doesnt always meant that there will be a reciprocation. Be kind to yourself, try to have some timeout with other friends and enjoy some other parts of your life as well,

LJ

[Troubled_One]

@Djneeshayes this is what i am struggling iwth at the moment. look back on my conversaation, and even @PeppiPatty conversation here Dealing with a problem creatively. for ideas on what to do.

@PeppiPattyYes anne, i suspect the visit by the gp was what held me together abit, perhaps some support.

I value your comments so much because i go to my family and they do not know anything or what to do. that is why i come here for the support and ideas on what to do.

@Appleblossomthanks for the encouragment. i understand it is about me and is why i came here to be reassured of that.

@Former-MemberI really appreciate those words lisajane, is why i came here because i feel so lost, like i do not know whether to call my brother or not, and should i get upset about that, or is everything my fault.

I apprecaite these words from everyone and gives me some hope of getting through my life.

[Former-Member]

I also feel lost and alone and overwhelmed. The world is a difficult place to navigate, the paths are always moving, changing and even disappearing at times. Every choice creates a new path.. i guess we just need to mindful of the choices we make.. and remember that we can always make new choices if we change our minds. 

🙂 LJ

[Troubled_One]

@PeppiPatty  Anne i wrote my brother a msg and a email saying i would email him a letter of what i am thinking. i wrote that letter a few moments ago, just about understanding and how i am not sure if that is working in our family. and to give him time to think over what i am thinking and get back to me on that.

@Former-Member  yeah, i feel for me it is about understanding at the moment but yes things are complex as you said lisajane and i am having a hard time understanding what to do.

i feel this is right and is why i have been stressing this whole time.

Now i am just concerned will anything ever happen?

also i am suffering from not much rest and sleep, and this darn leg of mine. being at my fathers is a hard time, but i feel he knows whats going on. i am just not sure if i should do anything about this or should i leave it. its like my father knows whats going on but just ignores it. i do not know what to do until my brother gets in conact with me.