Being misstreated

[PeppiPatty]

So @Troubled_One lee, 

Your important for Sane forums☺

because you understand communication....,in that  its not all about what you can get from someone ( a house, a car ) but its about someone focusing on you ....for even 2 minutes and you understanding what is good for you to be more of a whole being. 

Can someone else write what i wrote better ?

[Troubled_One]

@PeppiPatty  anne i think you are absolutely right. i am thiinking that after my letter to my brother and speaking to my mother just before and going through everything in my head, if my brother and i can come to some sort of agreement then my father and our whole family may get along better.

This is what you are saying right?

Maybe someone can put it in to better words but yes iagree with you, you are right, some understanding would be good in there. even if it is for a couple of minutes, it maymake some difference. who knows.

[Appleblossom]

@Troubled_One

It sounds as if you are trying to be responsible, address issues, and keep connected, so I would say it cannot all be your fault.Keep a place in your heart for him but dont let it take over your whole life.

It is probably not all your families fault either. I believe the nuclear family is too small to handle all the issues and rites of passage in life. In a society that is fragmented and we dont have nice supportive villages or friends, unfortunately people needs are not met.

I see the enemy as black and white thinking. Life is full of greys and if we are lucky some colour.

[Troubled_One]

@Appleblossom  if you read back there is no doubt i am not saying it is my families fault. i believe also that nothings perfect but it can be if you can be insightful on the issue.

this is the problem with my family and i am not sure what else, but i do not know until i try. i think this is what anne is saying. just some communication, even if its a little bit, may help to get some answers out of them. not just nothingness, like there always is.

[Appleblossom]

Yep @Troubled_One

I didnt think you were blaming I was just trying to be clear and say that families are under a lot of strain in today's society.

I lived in a bit of a vacuum too.  Dad was dead, mum so overwhelmed with littlies that she rarely spoke to me in 10 years, except to force me to do more for the family.  I knew she was genuinely busy but I was pretty young to be working and studying and baby-sitting so hard.

Sometimes we have to try and build other family-like support structures.

It was just that you expressed that you tie your future intentions to your brothers actions, and I thought that put you in a very powerless situation, so I tried to respond somehow.

[Troubled_One]

@Appleblossom  no problem, i have done this the whole time. i am not sure how to not do it.. i even spoke to my dad and said i am waiting on a message from my brother, and i was not sure what to do until then. i was hoping that conversation would yeald a temporary answer. but it didnt.

i am hoping a word from him may be the difference which i have not heard yet. whether it is something i have done, or something the family is not willing to do i am yet to find out, unfortunetly.

[Appleblossom]

@Troubled_One

Life should not be this hard.  For some crazy reason it is harder for some than others.

I could not separate out myself from my whole family dynamic and did not have a strong sense of an "I", as so much of life was spent as a visitor to psyche wards, being a carer concerned for the "other" became a big part of who I was. 

I actually felt a feeling close to jealousy as I was never truly hospitalised.  Only one psychotic break had me in leather straps at an emergency ward when I was 16.  It was due to a mix between LSD and antibiotics. The upside was that I had a few outpatient appointments with shrink who told me I was ok but to get help whenever I needed it. Now I do have a better sense of an "I" but it took decades to get there.

If having a diagnosis means that one becomes a bit accountable than maybe that is a good thing, but if it means that we automatically think we blame ourselves, because something vague is wrong with us and can never trust any of our feelings or thoughts than I do not believe it has helped. 

A Kenny on this site had some thoughts that seemed creative and therapuetic about his diagnosis.

[PeppiPatty]

Dont you agree, @Troubled_One and

@Appleblossom 

That @lisajane is so valuable on this forum. @Former-Member  thanks 😊☺😆🐹🐕🐣🐭🐂

[Troubled_One]

@Appleblossom  yah, i agree it should not be this hard. i try bring myself to understand why things should be like this but they are.

with all the problems, i just let it be. what can i do. all i can do is try and fix them. i believe there are reasons for things. like we are not stuck on this earth by ourselves stupidly ridiculous ideas like that. i have a brother who is there. i intend on his actions helping. from what i have been through its not all perfect but i know it can be. so i just live like that.

@PeppiPatty  anne i agree she is very nice.

[Appleblossom]

@Troubled_One

Ahhhh which of our ideas are ridiculous and which quite sane .. that is the question!

Yes there are patterns of occurence in relationship issues and in personality trait configurations .. sometimes they give a sense of meaning and destiny.  I have been surprised by sense of the superstitious eg when a bird shits on my windscreen!

I have a query about your use of the word "perfect".  Maybe I am used to settling for less, but I know I have been able to get more done because I am not a perfectionist. Not arguing just wondering ... I do try .. a girlfriend from work once gave me a "Practise makes purrfect" badge ..  the thought of it makes me smile .. though the badge is long gone.