Topic Tuesday // Tues, 15 March, 7pm AEDT // Managing and changing your thoughts

[Shimmer]

Okay thanks @Shaz51 - so if we're looking at the ABC model:

A) The situation = wanting to say no to someone (be assertive)

B) The thoughts = ???

C) The consequences: behavioural = not being assertive; emotional = ???

In this situation, does anyone have any ideas about what thoughts might come up that might stop someone being assertive and saying no when they want to?

[Polly48]

Personalization is my problem and jumping to wrong conclusion and firing up to fast

[Shaz51]

You can think of negative automatic thoughts like a habit – so automatic that you don’t even notice you are doing it.-- this is so true @Shimmer

[Drac0]

@Shimmer, my perception of my feelings & emotions have changed a lot over recent years, But being able to recognise these types of thinking AFTER the fact doesn't seem helpful?

[Shimmer]

Good point @Drac0.

It does start off as recognising our thinking patterns after the fact, but what we are ultimately trying to do is develop new thinking habits. 

The first step is to become aware of them. Once you are aware of them, there are a couple of different ways to manage them. One is to challenge them. The other is to use mindfulness techniques to acknowledge them and let them pass without getting hooked and affected by them.

Over time, we can practice challenging or acknowledging unhelpful thoughts, and replacing them with more helpful ways of thinking. Eventually this becomes more automatic, and replaces the old way of thinking. Does that make sense?

[CherryBomb]

Ahhh the clarity of hindsight. 

But from what @Shimmer is saying it is possible to act with foresight. 

[Shaz51]

Hi @Shimmer

Feeling of letting others down , losing work ,

[Shimmer]

It's great that you recognise that personalisation and jumping to conclusions are thinking styles that sometimes affect you @Polly48 - as I said above, recognising the thoughts is the first step to changing them!

[Polly48]

Yes being aware is the start trying to change process of thinking is really difficult for me.

[Shimmer]

Thanks @Shaz51 for those examples. So the model could look like this:

A) The situation = wanting to say no to someone (be assertive)

B) The thoughts = "If I say no I will let others down" "If I say no I might lose work"

C) The consequences: emotional = fear, frustration? behavioural = not being assertive

Those reactions make sense to me - does it make sense to others?

Out of the 2 thoughts there, can you recognise any of the unhelpful thinking styles?