Daughter's drug Addiction

[Kimbah]

Last week I went through a whirlwind of getting the news that my 40 year old daughter has been using what she calls 'speed.' I found this out when authorities were sent to the home with safety concerns for my 3 grandchildren.

My daughter admitted to taking drugs as they wanted her to do urinalysis. I felt a stabbing pain in my heart and within days the two elder boys went to stay with their father and the youngest is in foster care. I knew my daughter wasn't coping with what I thought was being a single parent but the children were being neglected, her ability to clean and take care of herself was what I thought was because of a back injury that she had been taking and continues to take [medication - edited by moderator] for pain. I would go and clean, cook, take kids to school, go to meetings at the school/pre school and take my daughter to appointments to the point where I was overwhelmed and exhausted being the parent to my daughter as well as my grandkids. The kids especially the younger one was displaying very aggressive behaviour. I'd go to the house and the house was upside down with the 3 year old playing with food on the floor while my daughter was asleep. At the same time my husband had an accident at work and then developed dementia. My heart is broken. The pain of my grandchildren having to leave the home but at least I know they're safe, this is what helps a little when I feel overwhelmed with grief. I'm so scared that my daughter may not be able to stop the addiction. I've spent nearly every day visiting and she's admitted to have been doing this for more than a year. [edited by modertor] My daughter has been given a list of goals that she must achieve before getting the children back. Has anyone gone through this experience? I don't know where to turn. 

[Dimity]

Hello @Kimbah I haven't experienced anything comparable.  But I wanted to acknowledge your shock and grief, especially when you'd tried so hard to support your daughter and grandchildren. And I'm sorry to hear of your husband's accident and dementia -  looking after him must be a full-time job in itself.

How are you yourself? Do you have any personal supports? It's so important to reach out and share, and I'm glad you've reached out to the forums, but a bit sad that this is your first reply. 

I guess all of us struggle in different ways, and the people with similar experiences to yours might not have been online over the weekend.

We do share a concern for each other, and people here bond over many things not just the diagnosis of their loved one or themselves. 

I'll tag @Shaz51 and @AuntGlow in case they're still around.

Have you come across Carers Gateway? They might be worth following up - they offer support and services.

Take care - good luck - maybe explore the forums a bit - and hopefully the connections will start happening.  The forums can be quiet at times. 

[Kimbah]

Thank you so much for acknowledging my post. I really appreciate it. I was so overwhelmed with emotion over the weekend, I called lifeline which helped. I do have supports but unfortunately when all this happened the weekend came and it was quite lonely. I am hopeful and look forward to using this site. 

Regards,

Kimbah

[Appleblossom]

@Kimbah I have many similar but different experiences. Eg I was in foster care. Just saying hello and welcoming you to the forum. I hope you find a path for the good of your family. Can be a tricky thing to navigate.

🌹🦋💙🍎

[Shaz51]

Hello @Kimbah  I haven't experienced anything comparable.

but I have 4  step children who are adults now with different degrees of adhd and asd which my husband has also 

S3 and S2 both have partners with Mental health problems and struggles from time to time 

sending you hugs as we are not near our sons to help them daily which we would love to do 

sitting with you and having a cuppa with you 

a little tip is to put a @ in front of members names so they can recieve your message and reply back to you 

@Appleblossom , @Dimity , @Ru-bee , @rav3n , @tyme  

[tyme]

Hey @Kimbah ,

I'm so so so sorry to hear of your experiences. I've worked with quite a few families who are going through what you are experiencing where authorities have no choice but to remove the children and place them in the only 'safe' place they know - sometimes with a relative and sometimes with a foster family.

I'm hearing the strain on you. Are you able to share this with the case officer? They may be able to organise respite?

I've known single young men suddenly realise they have to look after a relatives children and are left with 5 children... I hear how hard this is. 

I really hope you can reach out to the authorities and I wonder if they can organise a worker through Anglicare, Mackillip etc who can support your daughter while you look after the children?

I know this is not easy. We are here for you @Kimbah 

[Kimbah]

For me to have the children has been ruled out due to caring for my husband who has a dementia related illness. The 2 older boys are with their Dad but the 4 year old is in foster care, he has his own father who has a DV background so not appropriate. We can now visit my 4 year old grandson 3 times a week. I've joined an online support group since my first post about my daughter and attended one session. My daughter has agreed to seek support and help. At least these are positive steps hopefully moving forward.