Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[deepfried99]

Hi @tyme,

Im currently in the middle of a big breakdown… this is everything i’m feeling:

it feels so unfair that i’m still having to be patient and wait for consistency and positive change to know that everything will be okay. I know that she’s working really hard and doing everything she needs to be doing and she’s doing this for herself but her recovery also impacts me.

She leaves the hospital on Tuesday and i’m nervous about her coming home. 

Her recovery and how she will respond all feels very much out of my control but it keeps coming back to “I have to trust her”. I think that concept is triggering me because it feels a lot like it was before she went into hospital when it felt like i didn’t have autonomy over the situation. And i thought that feeling was gone, but now it’s back and that’s scary.

It sucks and hurts that she can’t give me the reassurance that I need right now. 

[tyme]

Hey @deepfried99 ,

Are you able to speak to her treating team before hand so that you have a plan of attack?

Also, does she have any other supports besides you who she can reach out to?

[deepfried99]

Well I asked if i could speak to her psychiatrist and and i was asking about her medication because i know there’s another dose increase to be coming in the next week and i have general concerns like ‘what if you’re feeling anxious and or depressed and this lasts over 12 hours or what if you get stuck in a delusion - do we go back to the hospital? who do we call? do we make an appointment?” “is there follow up to see how you’re tracking and to see positive outcome?” and she said if i have a specific question about the medication then she can answer me if she feels comfortable to, but anything behaviour based feels targeted at her and she said it’s hurtful.

She does have a lot of friends who are very supportive.

[Jasper_123]

Hi @deepfried99 I would encourage you to get emotional support through therapy, support groups or help lines. We deal with trauma better when we have the space and skills to process it. I know logically you know the abuse was due to your partners mental health but your body may not know this - have you considered living seperately? If you can recognise you are anxiously attached, what can you do to deal with that?

[tyme]

Hey @deepfried99 ,

I know you care about her a lot. Yet I can see the stress this is on you. I'm thinking whether some of the support can be from her friends or other supports so that you have your boundaries to protect yourself?

That is, allow her family or friends so share the load?

Hope I'm making sense. I know what I want to say, but it may be coming out wrong.