Being misstreated

[NikNik]

Hi @Troubled_One

I actually haven't changed my thoughts on what I've offered previously... You can only control, what you can control - which is your own individual relationship with each member of your family.

In regards to what you can do while you wait to hear from your brother, I'd be interested to know what else you do with yourself - your interests etc...

You have been a part of the community for a while now, but we don't know much about you outside of your family situation.

Nik

[Troubled_One]

@NikNik  ok yeah, i should of thought so, that i stick to my guns. i am doing this its just that i am absent with my brother because he is so busy he reackons and never msgs me or talks to me.

and as far i am concerned i will leave that for a later date. i can not express what i am doing if i do not know what i am doing.

[Mazarita]

@Troubled_One,

It sounds like these thoughts may be giving you no peace and I'm sorry you're going through that. I think some of the others are perhaps trying to suggest that you think or do other things if you can. It might be that thinking so hard about what's going on is not really helping anything. Sometimes slowing down is the only way to go. Hope this makes some sense. Wishing you well.

[PeppiPatty]

@Mazarita got a good reasonable comments there Lee. 

Its all about you developing a relationship with your brother. Its very hard for him......... 

Its been 10 years. 

You can do this. You can have a good relationship with your brother.....

Just if you decide to be patient...dont let anyone walk over you. Like .....miss appiontments, or lie or disrespect you. 

A long time ago my little brother was 13 years old and went to live in America but after life and things happening, he decided to come back and live in Western Australia. It took us years and years to redevelop our relationship, actually.....I'm the only member in the family he speaks to. 

[Troubled_One]

@Mazarita  yeah i do try. its hard when all you see, all you understand is negative. neither of your parents agree with you and all you are left is a brother who has never been there with you from the start.

@PeppiPatty  yeah anne, i am hearing you. its just what can i do when all i know is we have had a bad relationship and still he does not want to talk to me. or all i know is he is to busy and my whole life i have waited to be this person but it coudl not happen. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Troubled_One]

So anne @PeppiPatty  , i have been looking back on the messgaes you have sent me and at some stage you started mentioning my brother and the relationship there and how i could mend that. talking about ways of contacting him and what to say to him, about our past and the feelings there.

I am not sure but for some reason that skpped over my head. i am reading now and perhaps we both had our own problems there at some stage we needed to take care of before i could get to here?

Anyway. i am seeing now that it is between my brother and i. i feel i need to send him another email talking about how i feel and the relationship we had and the relationship we could have now.

i think that is the part that has been missed. i have been talking to my parents and getting that part sorted out so i think i skipped over the communication my brother and i have, and all he is hearing is negative things about him and my parents. i think i need to write him a email or msg about this explaining that this is what is getting in the way of us getting along. maybe then he will want to talk to me?

[PeppiPatty]

Dear Lee,

@Troubled_One

Thank you for your message. An important message i think you could re read, if you want ..is @NikNik last couple of messages. 

Lee, i think your doing well. If you want to send him a message, send him a joke. Remember he works and may be wanting to 'lighten' the mood.

Dont forget to call Lifeline, if your anxious. 

You are important. 

Also Lee, if you want to do something, you could write what you have done..dont write who suggested it or write it in pencil if its important....

[Troubled_One]

So Anne i value what you say. it sounds good. like i should take that advice. i am struggling with no communication from my brother, so is my family to. they all think that everything is working but for me i have not spoken to my brother on correct terms. it is hurting me because all i want to do is communicate to him, let him know what i thiink.

i understand that i should keep things light hearted and not try make such a big deal about things. well that is what i am trying to do.

[PeppiPatty]

Thank you for your message Lee.

It was nice reading your Mum and Dad want to hear from him as well.

Maybe your Mum can ask him if he wanted to watch sport and have lunch one day? 

Or could you all go to the movies for a Sunday Funday ? My kids when they turned adults would go to the movies together with me. 

Write to him you miss his face and how about a joke hour with your Dad might lighten the mode? 

What are you doing tomorrow Lee? 

I wont be on Sane forums for a little while, im helping a family out with their teenagers education and getting them into TAFE for next year.

Thanks Lee  hope you have good ideas on jokes hey ? 😊

[Troubled_One]

So anne, today i am not doing much. i am thinking after your message that i will get in contact with my mother and get her to send a message to my brother saying, i would love to speak to him. And my father as well. I see what you mean by, lets do something together, it sounds like a good idea. The only problem is if I ask my mother to do something with the family she will probably knows my brother is too busy and will say no. I want that as well, maybe you see my trepidation now? I will try and do this anyway, you scratch by back i'll scratch yours. Is that a joke? Oh well as good as I can do.