Lived Experience Forum

[gyp]

I've been quiet..I moved out of smll rural Qld. Left my partner, my dog and all my belongings behind. Now with my son & gf on Gold Goast. I went Psychiatrist whom said I need therapy for the rest of my life..ok so now I'm here I am not happy, people, traffic, noise and a nightmare dealing with Clink. I cant move from my sons as I cant find a place to live, rent to expensive and I cant stay here either as this was just a short term arrangement. I feel sqeezed and trapped and everyday I cry and lock myself in bedroom. My partner rings everyday, our conversations are short as he thinks I'm going back to the rural town. My physiologist says no u cant go back. Each time my major depression lasts for 6 months then I am in remission for 6 mths in which time I feel ok with living in isolation in Qld. I just do not know what to do. I also have PTSD from the violence and abuse as a child. My partner is not violent as he uses pot and has done for 45 yrs. I feel this is all to much to work out but I got to move out soon from my sons. Help Help. Can anyone give me some ideas please.

[Former-Member]

hi @gyp

gosh you have a lot going on! I'm sorry to hear how stuck you seem to be at the moment. I was wondering if your psychiatrist might be able to help you get some community care assistance, or whether or not you could contact something like MIND? I know that sometimes community based mental health services can help/advocate with getting suitable accomodation and things like that. I have had support workers through a state based local group and they've been able to help me with so many different things in my life.. like coming with me to appointments, to centrelink, etc. etc. Its also amazing how different places like centrelink treat you when you have someone come with you who they see as important or ... knowledeable somehow.... i dont know!

Glad you can post on here too,

lj

[gyp]

Hello Lisajane Thx for the info. I am not on Qld side of the Gold Coast. My psychiatrist is away until 29th Dec and next phscologist appt is 12th Jan. When I went to Clink I had the help of a social worker who said just ring me and leave a message and I will ring u back. I have rung Th, Fri and today and no reply. I went into the Clink office today and was told she the social worker is to busy to see me. I had to leave as I could feel a panic attack coming on because I seem to be getting the run around. I wonder if anyone else has these experiences with govt depts. Maybe nsw they do things differently. I have had enough as I don't think well when I sick and that's why I needed to talk to the social worker as I needed help with a form today and now it has been lodge without the correct information. Im done. I can see why people like myself just decide to give up and I mean for good..i would just be another statistic..so what...who cares..no one!. There is a community care group here who do assist IF you have been through the mental health system u qualify, so I don't! I guess I can only hold myself responsible for making rotten choices. Having cancer or diabetes would be easier than MI. Sorry to drag this out...im just over banging into walls.

[Appleblossom]

Sorry you are struggling with all this @gyp

Yes a lot of people have trouble with Centrelink, moving and having little private space from kids, but try and find ways to hang in there through the chrissie new year period til you see your psychiatrist.  

Pity that your relationship broke down, but getting clear about it might take time.  

You can keep posting here, people are often around during the silly season.  i hope that you managed at least submit your form will be taken positively by Clink.

[gyp]

Hello Appleblossom, My relationship was not so much broken. As u may know when major depression is active my thinking is not healthy. I find it hard to do the everyday simple things like have a shower or make food for myself. Also being in an isolated area I believed I was disadvantaged, when I saw the visiting mental health social worker she advised me to move where I had family an had more services. You know I am amongst 1000s of humans and I still feel isolated so at the time I thought I was doing the right thing for my mental health. The mental health social worker also said " you will get better and get a part time job and all will be well". I really do not think she understood how sick I was and that people just don't bounce out of depression and suddenly get a job etc etc .. I look at all the jobs and I am according to employers to old..Im almost 58 and I don't think I'm to old to work, what scares me is what if I become stressed and I'm triggered into a another episode of depression. Can you relate? Most people as according to this forum and another have this fear and its real. So it is not that I do not believe in myself I just know my history now and it was not until 2 months ago I learned that I have had PTSD and all my life I thought the feelings I had were normal because when I shared with others they could not relate and therefore shrugged it off as I did not have any addiction to alcohol, drugs, food etc and I did not cut. What I did do was work like a dog which was viewed as normal to most. I did a timeline of my life from as far back as my first memories of 3 yrs old to present and my GP and psychiatrist said I should be dead. GP said you are incredibly resilient and my reply was "Not anymore, depression has worn me out". So here I am at the crossroads of my life again pondering the next best thing to do and right now I cant see any light beaming in the tunnel. X

[gyp]

Hello, Well I have exhausted all avenues for housing today and no luck. So now I'm trying to work out how I can make a comfortable bed in my car. Its my last and emergency option. Has anyone done the car living. I would appreciate some feed back. I am sorry also that I have not been assisting anyone else on this forum as I am in survival mode at present.

[esprit]

I understand about feeling exhausted with it all. Just wanting things to go easily. It does then something else pops up. I hope you are ok.

[Appleblossom]

Dont apologise @gyp I can relate to you about work  and other things too .. Get comfy in the car and get Centrelink to co-operate with you .. 

Cities can be lonely and isolating .. but eventually when you tap into resources you are entitled to .. after doing plenty of hard yards .. you might be able to relax.

Recently at my choir .. I mentioned to an accountant .. that I did not think it was wise if I pushed the "work" line .. I will do better for my family if I think about myself as semi-retired (I am 56), rather than stress my system and be physically unwell.  Maybe you are in a similar position ..

There may be good options for you .. find a doctor in your new town .. even if you visit them once per week .. til they get it.. that you need accomodation .. to be put on housing lists .. eg anglicare etc 

Keep posting.

[gyp]

I have been overthinking my accommodation crisis so much I have not slept for 48 hrs. I have suffered from chronic insomnia with this episode of depression. I have tried many different sleepers and suffer dreadful affter affects. I need some damn sleep. Do not know how I will make it threw day. I want to leave this world everything is becoming to overwhelming and I just have not got the physical and mental energy anymore.

[Rockpool]

Hi @gyp,

It sounds like things have been particularly tough over the last few days with you thinking about your accommodation crisis and not getting much sleep. Not being able to sleep is awful, especially if you are feeling tired.  The after effects of medication can be dreadful. Do you still have any prescribed medication that may help you sleep at the moment? It might be helpful to get a bit a sleep even if you do have those dreaded side effects when you wake up.

How are you feel at the moment? I understand you were feeling quite overwhelmed this morning. Have you been able to get any sleep?

Dont forget if you feel as though you cant get threw the day you can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Is there anything nice you can do for yourself tonight?