Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi everyone @tyme 

and all my forum friends 

thanks @tyme for emailing me tonight. 
I have appreciated you checking in on me. 

some of you know my background as I’ve been on here for quite a few years. tonight I thought I need to come back for some support.

I’ve  been estranged from my parents a few times now over the past 13 years. All because I spoke out about my childhood abuse. 

I’ve been estranged from my parents for a year again. I had to put a boundary up for my own mental health. Because of my controlling manipulative mother. She’s a narcissist. 
while no contact I was not bad. Not having to hear her voice, emotional abuse and horrible verbal abuse.  Enough was enough. I just couldn’t take it anymore. 
but the biggest problem was not seeing my poor dad. He is stuck and has never stood up for himself or his children. 

fast forward to last week - I received a phone call from a relative to say that I should see my dad. I asked questions but was given no real answers. I decided to call and visit my parents. 
again I was refused. Also two weeks ago my dad has surgery to remove tumour. All my siblings were notified EXCEPT me. No one contacted me. 
he is having more surgery tomo and because of his age 87 it’s not looking good. He has other medical issues too. 
apparently my mum decided to not let me know because I didn’t go to see them for a year or their birthdays or Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. And dad sat there and didn’t say a word. 

im feeling very upset angry hurt abandoned rejected and kicked in the guts. 

I’ve been crying a lot since last week. I’m dissociating. My psych has seen me twice last week, Monday this week and now wants to see me this Friday as well. 
I can’t get my dad’s face out of my head. I’m not sleeping properly. 

ti make things even more terrible - about two weeks ago I had a horrible dream of me attending my dads funeral. I could see him in a coffin at the church. 

I’ve been trying to process it all but it’s hard. 

im taking it day by day. I don’t know how tomorrow will be. 

Don’t know what to do. 

[tyme]

Hey there @BlueBay ,

We are so glad to see you. 

I'm sorry how hard things have been for you. The steps you took to protect yourself were so needed as the non-relationship was becoming so hurtful to you.

I'm a firm believer in karma. That's all I can say. I don't know the future, but I feel things are going to work in your favour.

Please don't let this eat you up inside. I'm so glad you've come to get the emotional support you deserve. 

If your dad is at the hospital, your mum can't stop you from visiting, right? 

Take each moment at a time. Step-by-step.

Hugs, tyme

@Shaz51 

[BlueBay]

Thanks @tyme 

Don’t think I can see him in hospital. My sister wanted to see him in hospital two weeks ago and was told no - only visitor which is another sibling (who doesn’t talk to me). 
I’ve been literally shut out. I’m trying to think that now it is what it is and I can’t do anything. Yes you’re right about karma.xx

[tyme]

But who said no? The mum? @BlueBay 

I went to see an elderly neighbour in hospital only last week. They allow 2 visitors at a time and the visiting hours were 2-8pm. 

Unless he is immunocompromised or in a special part of the hospital, I don't see why you can't enquire.

[BlueBay]

@tyme 
My mum !!!! And also another sibling is the carer and has power  of attorney medical and financial. She is there all day. So my sister wasn’t allowed to go. 
I know it sucks. My mum is horrible. 

[tyme]

I wonder if you have any rights, legally speaking? At the same time, I reckon your dad would just agree to anything your mum tells him @BlueBay 

At the same time, I feel, by you being down or upset, it's fuel for them to continue how they are treating you. I'm sure your dad knows deep down that you love him. Yet he knows he doesn't have the power to do or say anything... 

You know what? I encourage you to strengthen yourself and not let this pull you know. This doesn't mean you can't be sad, angry or upset and you have every right to be - but don't let that keep you down. 

As I read and reflect on the whole situation, I can't even explain how I am feeling, except that, I wouldn't give up. I will not let them see me sad, down or angry - because that's exactly what they are waiting for to 'prove' I'm not good for my dad...

It's certainly stirred up a fight within me - seriously!

[BlueBay]

I know what you’re saying @tyme  but I’m not sure I have the strength. I just hope that my dad knows how much I love him and miss him. I’m sure he knows what my mum is like. 
I’ve done nothing wrong to deserve this. But I did think - the only wrong thing I did …… was tell her about my childhood abuse. That’s when she made my life hell. 

im going to bed as I’m struggling mentally tonight. I’ll come back tomorrow. Thanks so much @tyme xx

[tyme]

You're a fighter. You always have. @BlueBay 

TW: SA

Content/trigger warning

The next think you tell her is that the SA was real and you've won the case .@BlueBay 

Let me know if you want me to remove this as I know it can be a sensitive topic.

[tyme]

Rest up @BlueBay  - I'll check in another day.

[Cheeky123]

Hello sweetheart 

I'm reading your story , and just felt l wanted to reach out to you . 

I feel it's sad you were made to feel isolated because  you spoke up about something  ( BTW well done ) 

And you had every  reason  to keep your distance  .. 

 As for your poor dad , if it was me l would ring the hospital for a visting time,  l could go without  anyone else there . 

Please don't feel bad , he's in the right place and lm sure he knows you love him . 

Please take care 

Love and hugs coming your way  

X