@monochrome_one oh no need to apologise, when you have given all your heart and soul to someone and it was never enough, it certainly does a hell of a number on you.
In regards to the kids response of "Just say sorry" that's their tactic of dealing with their mum and unfortunately by placating her it makes things worse in the long run.
Honestly no matter how much you give, how much you comply it will never be enough, I hate saying that, but again I'm going from my experience. towards the end I felt like an empty shell, I remember being excited to go home from work, in love with the idea of an amazing life with an amazing woman and our children, unfortunately as soon as they key would hit the front door all that would disappear and the anxiety would hit, wondering what the hell I was walking into today. I eventually realised I was in love with the idea of love, the idea of a dream life, unfortunately the dream that we were working towards was a dream only I was left with. For me the final straw was when she had been chatting to a local guy on Facebook, she had a crush on this married guy and tried making me more like him, wanting me to change, saying I'm not C*nty enough, I told her I love you and I'd never be that way to someone I love. I loved and supported her through so much, I adored her for the way she was and yet she couldn't do the same for me.
As you said she chose to move here, and truthfully you're being attacked for small piddly stuff as you're going above and beyond as a father and supportive husband and she has nothing else to throw at you.
If the worst does happen and you do split, it's very hard for one parent to take the children to another country or state without the others permission, remember you have rights, because I didn't know mine and I got screwed over massively.
Kids aren't silly, they can see the truth, especially when one parent bad mouths the other to the kids and what they see and experience doesn't line up.
At one point I had my 2 eldest 100% and my youngest 50% only because she wasn't old enough to decide for herself.
She won't fix her problems because it's easier to blame someone else then have a pity party, my ex wife would say she was fed up with arguing, mind you I was seen to be arguing if I asked a question, offered a solution or compromise to het latest demands, anything other than a yes was an argument. The ironic thing being she argues with her current husband a million times more than we ever did.
Be prepared it takes a few years for the crap to settle, and she will try everything she can to get everyone on her side, mine even accused me of trying to run her over after I took the foot of the brake whilst the car was in park, it rolled back a tiny bit and the mirror tapped her back. she walked inside afterwards, no emotion or anything. my son refused to see me for a couple of weeks after that, I literally had to show him the dashcam footage before he believed me over what his mum had been saying.
I do recommend marriage counselling, I literally had to leave the wife for a week and I came back under the condition that we had marriage counselling. I had suggested it numerous times prior to this, but I got the response of "you're the only one with an issue, so you go", hence why I left for the week.
Again on marriage counselling, I pray that it works for you, and isn't what I experienced. It would usually go the following way, 1st week after counselling things are great we are both trying, 2nd week it feels as though she's given up but things are ok as I'm still trying, 3rd week I've had enough of being the only one trying so things start going to crap again, 4th week back to the way things were.
Stay strong, the truth of things will be exposed more and more, after all you have been groomed, moulded into her compliance for the whole time you've been together. Doing whatever she wants for peace and quiet, for her affection, her attention, using whatever means she can to get everything she can out of you, then when you think you've given your all, she'll find another tactic to get more.
Apologies if what I've said isn't the case, and your situation is better, as I said, I'm biased by the torment I suffered at the hands of a narcissist (who also turned out to be bi polar as well, but that wasn't diagnosed until her second marriage)
