Exhausted and fragile

[K8e]

Hello,

I’ve been home full time (hospital/PARC prior) for about two weeks. Went back to work Monday and had group therapy Thursday. I’m exhausted. I cry at least three times a day and don’t have the mental strength to spend time with friends. 

I read online that a lot of people get a new lease on life after an attempt, I don’t feel that way in the slightest.

I feel like I’m working my way back up from rock bottom and can’t see anything other than rock still. 

I’m also trying to navigate this world in a marriage where I love him so much but I don’t think I contribute as much as I take. I’m also scared we will end up like the generations before us of men/women who were/are emotionally abusive towards their partners.
Yes, I do the therapy and self care and socialising and breathe work but gosh I don’t think I can keep it up for another 50+ years Oo feels like a full time job in it’s self. 

Anyway, how do you all do it? How do you keep relationships balanced and happy? How and when do I start to feel like I’ve lifted off rock bottom?

[Ru-bee]

Hello @K8e and welcome to the forums

I'm glad that you've found this space and that you've felt comfortable to share some of what you've been going through and feeling lately. 

It sounds as though everything is still very recent which makes it understandable that you're still unable to see anything other than rock at the moment. I'm hearing that you're taking some positive steps forward, even though they can be exhausting, and hope that you start to feel some of the benefits of these soon, though it's important to remember that progress can take time, and it's different for everyone. Just because you don't have a new lease on life right now doesn't mean that won't ever come, it might just happen at a different time to those who have shared their own stories online. 

I'm sure that there are others on here who can relate to what you're going through, you're not alone in this, and I look forward to seeing what support and guidance they can provide here. But while we wait for those members to find you post I just wanted to pop by and say thanks for being here and sharing with the community.

[REDLINEZ750]

@K8e hello just read your post and your right about self care and breath work grounding whichever tools are new takes so much mental energy its like a full days work it takes awareness to maintain calm once its achieved i find as well

i also found once they become more familiar its less thinking involved and frees up ability to not just increase activities but also able to use on the move and tailor methods to yourself whats better rather than follow step by step if makes sense.

if your husband knows you worry about your marriage and how much he contributes thats most likely worth more to him than the things yoyu might think you fall short on.

i cant claim to know however communication can stoo a lot of bad thoughts before they gain traction as does knowing hpow the others thinking opposed to telling ourselves we know

for the record im single, never married i did say i dont claim to know right 🤣

[wild_rose]

Hey there.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all you're going through and I think a lot of what your feeling right now is pretty normal.

At the end of 2021 I was admitted in to APARC, and it was a very good experience for me, it helped me navigate escaping an emotionally abusive relationship which was the main reason I ended up there.

After discharge it certainly wasn't easy, I has to return to work and try my best to function, find a new place to live, get my puppers back and get my stuff from my ex's. 

I can relate when you say that you're exhausted, I felt pretty exhausted for quite some time afterwards. The only advise I can give is take it slowly, if you need time to yourself, communicate that to your husband when you need alone time and just some space to yourself.. Be kind to yourself. Take small steps, you don't have to function like you us to straight way. Give it time.

I wish you all the best