Ask Anything Monday!

[kristin]

Hey @Baboo 

It's good to hear from you ! 

It's great to hear how you have managed your back pain, well done. I can understand the "fitness nut" preventative approach to managing back pain, I've been there a couple of times. It worked too, but when I get super-fit I tend to be obsessive about it - and then get quite manic. Can't really afford to go there.

I've seen & tried the saddle chair - my osteopath has one. I keep meaning to buy myself one when I have the money - of course other's needs and the house or car usually take precedence over my back. More so now I know what the major driver of my sciatica was all those years (about 30) - for me it was psychosomatic from the childhood abuse (especially but not solely sexual) - I now have much less need for one, but I still think it's a good idea so it will remain on the wish-list.

Kind regards,

Kristin

[NikNik]

MONDAY IS HERE AND IT'S TIME FOR ASK ANYTHING MONDAY!

A big THANK YOU to you all for contributing last week. They were all very interesting and insightful responses.

I have a feeling that many of us can relate to this week's question.

Hi there

Last year I moved to a new town where my partner is from. I was looking forward to a new start, with new friends and a new life. The problem is, the friends of my partners are... different. They aren't like me, and I don't think they are very similar to my partner either. Maybe he's changed since leaving this town?

Anyway, I don't feel like I have a connection with any of them and they haven't been overly welcoming to me either. They aren't mean to me... they just don't really talk to me, include me or even acknowledge me.

I have tried to talk to my parnter about it, but he said I just have to 'try harder'. I have social anxiety, which I can mostly mask, but I'm not very forth coming in conversation as it is. He's never really understood and just thinks I'm 'nervous' and 'shy'. Being in a new place is starting to make my anxiety unbearable.

How do you make a new network of friends, when all you want to do is hide?

[Rosie]

Maybe you can start with getting a mental health team in your area. The local community guide usually has the phone numbers of mental health services in your area, often this is online. Otherwise the white pages or yellow pages has the numbers of GPs who can assist you in finding a team that suits you and who you can talk to.

It's not very nice of those people to not even acknoweldge you! Not cool at all. Sometimes groups can be very comfortable and have that sense of 'belonging' where everyone knows everything about each other and there is a deep feeling of fitting in. Sometimes a new person might threaten that comfort and sense of belonging just because they are 'different'. Just the fact of being different or new is a threat. It's a fear of change that happens in some groups. Unfortunately these groups limit individuality and can hinder personal growth.  I bet there's at least one person who is bored or hungry for someone new to the group! They do not know what kind of riches you might bring, how you might grow and change them, what kind of curry you are an expert at, your latest knitting project, where you've been to that might excite them, and this is something that I reckon, someone will want to know - if not now, eventually.

Variety is the spice of life!

Take care,

Rosie

[NikNik]

Firstly, thanks to @Rosie for your response last week! I'm sure the the anonymous member appreciated it.

So, here we are again! It's Monday, which means our Ask Anything Monday question is ready to go -

Is it better to work in a stressful job or get more stressed not working?

I have been in my job for 12 months and it's causing me a lot of stress. While I'm not on medication for anxiety, my GP has said that it's the next step if things don't get better. She has also suggested that I should take time off work to make a decision if it's worth staying on or not.

Yes my job causes me stress, but I don't HATE my job, it's just full on.

What causes me even more anxiety is the idea of quitting my job and not having a plan!

I feel a bit cornered!

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

[Flame7au]

I choose to work in a stressful job, as not working would cause me more stress for me.  It would be different if you hated your job, however if you're generally happy in your job but it's a stressful job, it might be best to make sure that you take regular breaks to look after yourself.  I sometimes work full on for a month or so, then explain to my boss that I need a day or two off to unwind.

Hope this helps.   

[Ellie]

The job I have now is of a professional nature and stress can be almost overwhelming for me at times, but I've found it better to suffer work related stress than sitting home alone thinking dark thoughts.

Late last year in the lead-up to Christmas, which is always a particularly stressful time for me, I had a melt-down at work and I ended up in a bit of a situation. All good now, but I decided to drop my hours back to just 4 -6 shifts a month to balance out my work and home life. I've also started on a particular type of common anti-psychotic medication which has helped heaps. Of course I had the luxury of being able to drop my hours. You may not. 

Things are ticking over quite nicely right now, but with BPD, I never know what's around the next corner.

All the very best to you anyway,

kind regards,

Ellie.

[kenny66]

Personally I find not working a crushing burden. I hate it. I want to work very much and tried every avenue I could think of.

The disability employment providers locally are terrible and if you saw the recent expose on the corruption and lack of performance in the sector no wonder. Another outsourcing failure.

I was one of those cases that was "parked" because the employment agency (which is supposed to be non profit, but isn't) gets more money if I am not placed than if I get a job because I am classified as a difficult placement. 

Therefore they get an extra couple of grand every time I go in for an appointment.

Its even more galling because I finished my degree even with being schizophrenic, which I would have thought showed some commitment and maybe a little intelligence.

I realise that there are practical considerations to take into account in employing people with MI but in my case I think it would certainly be possible for a committed employer to accommodate these.

So from the point of view of a person not employed but wants to be, the mental health benefits of working would far outweigh the problems created by the stress of employment.

I think the employment system for people with MI needs a thorough start again review. At a government level it does not even have a specific advocate.

I tried some time ago to obtain stats on people claqssifed as MI employed within the public sector-there are none.

Kenny

[ClinPsych]

Hi there, it sounds like you've got a big list of pros and cons swirling around in your head. It's great that you've sought help from your GP and this forum, I would add that the next step for dealing with workplace stress is not necessarily medication. Has your GP talked about referral to a psychologist (disclosure: I am one), or does your employer have an employee assistance program (EAP)? Talking to a professional skilled in helping you manage and tolerate the stresses of your job could result in a win:win for you. Best of luck.

[kato]

Good question,

I come from a management background, within a high stress area work wise, it was in Sales. I have found that currently while undergoing treatment and management for Bi-polar, i am unemployed, and i have to agree with @Kenny working is good for your mental health then not working. I am currently weighing up my options as to which way i am going to go in regards to work, i thought for awhile i just wanted a mundane job, but i feel that will be too boring for me personally.

I was untreated and unmedicated for various issues and i succeeded in getting promotions in my workplace, however too long untreated and unmedicated and left to my own devices led me to get into a bad way. I think now, well not right now but in the forseeable future i will return to work in the same industry and again excel in it.

From what i have read in the question,, you enjoy your job, it is a bit full on, and the stress you are facing is starting to take it's toll on you, as clinpsych said, there are avenues of working out a bit more of a balance work/life wise, perhaps it is an additional day off, or something if possible, there have been quite a few good options mentioned

Hope this all helps

[Rosie]

Yeah, EAP is a great way to go - @ClinPsych suggested.

I had an EAP but didn't use it, in the florid state of schizophrenia I thought the phone was bugged! Because I didn't use it or listen to anyone I wound up losing my job. Though I had a little insight, what I knew was that I had to work. I had a car loan and too much pride to ask my parents for money. These were solid things for me in my mind at that time. So I went from being a professional to stacking boxes in a factory. And this may sound a bit strange, but stacking boxes with safety glasses on, ear plugs in and a uniform on was probably the best thing I could have done to stay busy and get my head out of the delsuions I was in - while my meds did their job.

Now -  I am not a professional but I work full time in a less full-on role than I used to. I am not sure whether I want to go back or not (as I didn't like my phone being bugged lol), or whether my journey in that job ended when I became so unwell that I lost touch with reality.... Its hard to say.

What I can say is that I understand anxiety. 

What I have found to fend off anxiety is to not drink alcohol. I find the next day after drinking a few glasses it makes me nervous and my memory gets jumpy and I worry hard about things. And then it feeds itself and makes me more anxious. When I don't drink alcohol I am more able to see (or as they say 'be the observer of') my thoughts and be mindful.

Alas that is me!

I guess with your job which is full on, its hard to weigh up the pros and cons. A great psychologist can do wonders. It takes time to find someone who suits you, but it's well worth it.

Rosie