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tomjerry
Casual Contributor

Living alone

hey everyone, 

I am 30 years old straight male. And have lived almost my whole life without being in relationshit. I had only 1 girlfriend a few years ago which did not last long. Anyways, my question is that can a person live a life without being in romantic and sexual relationship? I'm asking because apparently I am not capable of being in a relationship also don't have many friends and don't have night life which makes no friend with benefits. So not gonna have sex and not gonna have girlfriend whatsoever. Is it bad?

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Living alone

hi @tomjerry

i guess its more the question-do you think its bad?

everyone lives life differently and whats normal for some isnt for others. i guess it really only matters if you feel like this situation is having an impact on your life.

what do you think? what makes you think your not capable of having a relationship?



@Flying_Hams @gem80 @eth @WriterMelb maybe you guys can offer some advice

Re: Living alone

Hi @tomjerry

I'd agree with @outlander about the relationship side of things

In terms of general friends and suc - are there social groups you could go to? I know meetup exists and that can be pretty good way to meet new people.

People also find love and romance after 30 too

Re: Living alone

Hi @tomjerry  and also @outlander and @Flying_Hams 

I don't see it as bad @tomjerry  unless it's upsetting you or making life harder in some way.  Personally I've always found the best relationships I've had are formed when I'm not looking for romance, and more focused on just getting to know people and making friends.   You might have a hobby and be able to find people with similar interests with a google search of your area.  Or support groups specific to your mental health diagnosis.  Or places like the Mens' Shed, mens' yoga, ... and meetups (they are not for romance)  that Hamsolo01 mentioned have a huge range of interest groups and are in most parts of urban and regional Australia.  I'm a member of the writers' centre here and also the community disability alliance, both places where I meet like-minded people.    I agree with Hams that plenty of people find love and romance after the age of 30.  Just as well too, I'm 57!  And currently developing a romance with someone I've been friends with for nearly 20 years.

Another thing I think rings true is that loving yourself is the most important and then you attract healthier connections with others.  So for me this plays out in periods of being 'unto myself' and focused on my own well-being when it's actually much better to not be in a relationship.  Learning to love yourself is a real challenge I know, I can't say I'm there yet, but developing more community engagement consciously is helping (after 20+ years of isolation).  Having NDIS has made it possible for me to have support workers and get out in the world again.

To sum it up ... Patience Grasshopper!  (an old quote I hope you've heard before).

 

I'm not saying this is you - I don't know you yet, but ...there are actually quite a lot of 'asexual' people in the world who choose to not have sex as part of their life.  Just googled it and got this definition "Asexuality describes a lack of sexual attraction. Asexual people may experience romantic attraction, but they do not feel the urge to act on these feelings sexually. ... Asexuality exists on a spectrum, with much diversity in people's experiences and desires for relationships, attraction, and arousal."

And there are people who don't feel sexual attraction at all and that's ok too.  

 

Take care.  If you want to reply to a particular person type an @  in front of their name and you will get a drop-down box where you can select the name you want.   e.g. @eth  (me).

 

Re: Living alone

@eth @tomjerry @Flying_Hams @outlander 

 

It depends on what makes you happy. Some people enjoy there own company. Some like to join groups but only socialise at the event and not privately. Some people are very social.

 

In relation to friends, sometimes been an acquaintance is enough. Try not to always look for an intimate relationship, sometimes when you try so hard things don't work out. Sometimes sparks fly when you least expect it. Friendships don't have to be about quantity but more about quality. I would rather have one friend that I know I can count on rather than be popular with lots of friends who wouldn't help me when things hit the fan. Having said that I'm happy been on my own because I make myself happy.

 

there is nothing wrong with Asexuality

Re: Living alone

Hi and welcome, @tomjerry 

 

 


@tomjerry wrote:

Anyways, my question is that can a person live a life without being in romantic and sexual relationship?

...

So not gonna have sex and not gonna have girlfriend whatsoever. Is it bad?


No, I don't think it's bad. To answer your question, I think a person can live a life without being in a romantic and sexual relationship. I've lived that way most of my life. And it's still OK if you're not asexual....it's possible to get by OK. Heaps of people in the world are single.

 

Also, as the others above have said, relationships can still develop after 30...

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