I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I was just laying in my side and Jetts little face was near mine and we just looked into each others eyes. It was so cute. @Jynx 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 amazing, you have legit inspired me!! Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to report back with some progress hehehe

Aww lame, tell your bestie she owes ya one! In a cheeky way tho lol 

I hope you did indeed get off to slumbertown soundly my dear!! Catch you next time 💜

[Captain24]

I hope you are managing to sort your room even if it’s just a little bit @Jynx. I know how daunting it is. The number of times I have looked at it and it got me down knowing all rooms were the same. It feels good to know that 2 are sorted. It makes my house feel a little fresher. 

I work the next 2 weekends so I won’t be getting up to anything. 

Oh.. you know how my period was due 2 weeks ago well the bastard has arrived today. Just in time for stomach cramps while I’m working tomorrow. I slept in this morning which I haven’t done at all this break and I feel miserable and down. I don’t want to do anything. All my motivation has gone. All my productivity has gone. 

I want to feel like I have the last few mornings. I’m disappointed in myself. I have really tried and can admit to myself that I have done a good job. That is huge. I have been trying so hard to try and feel better. I’ve pushed through so much noise in my head to get things done. I’ve worked so hard. 

I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. There isn’t a way for me to change up my days as I have managed on my break. I don’t want to be a screw up like I always am. I don’t want to be shit. I want to be good at my job. Maybe that’s why I’m not liked. I want to feel even a little bit positive. 

I went to sleep not long after the dogs had finished playing and the really sweet moment with Jett. 

I have my psych appointment today I’m hoping she is proud of my achievements and shows that I have been really good in the mornings. I need her help with the afternoon and nights. Hopefully we can come up with a plan. 

Sorry I’m just rambling. 

I hope you have slept well and are doing ok? I’ve been so much about myself that I haven’t even asked how you are really going. Sorry. 

[Captain24]

I want to comment on a post that really resonates with me but I’m too scared to. Will I ever feel good enough on here? will I ever find any confidence? Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong if I can’t communicate and support others. What am I even doing on here other than whinging? As I am again. I am really not a nice person am I. 

[Ru-bee]

As someone who's been on the receiving end of your niceness, I'm gonna have to challenge you on that and suggest that you are actually a nice person @Captain24 

I think what you're doing on here is expressing your emotions and thoughts, which is not an easy thing to do, and forming connections where you feel comfortable and safe. It can be scary to put yourself out there on another post, though I personally would love to see this as I'm sure your contribution to the thread would help the member to know that they're not alone in their experience. It's totally up to you though, if you can only connect here, that's more than enough

[Till23]

@Captain24 the fact that you want to support someone and are saying that means you are a lovely person, just lacking a bit of confidence. Everyone has lacked confidence at times, some more often or longer that others, but that's just the spectrum of being human, we don't all have blonde hair and blue eyes either.

Do you know why you are scared?

[Shaz51]

sending you understanding hugs @Captain24 

I have been here on the forum for 10 years now and I still have times when i dont know what to say 

and what is great is that I tag @Ru-bee  or @tyme  or @Jynx to help me by adding more if need be 

and starting with comments like : I am with you is always a great start 

I think you are awesome my @Captain24 

[Captain24]

Thanks @Ru-bee. It means a lot even though it’s hard for me to accept. 

I’ve only just been able to connect with you and @rav3n. Until recently I’ve been too scared to post when Jynx and tyme weren’t around. I know that sounds stupid but I need to slowly build up that trust. I haven’t even been able to follow my friends on here. I’m sure they have forgotten about me by now anyway. It’s just so hard for me to put myself out there. I have completely withdrawn on here and in my life. 

[Captain24]

I’ve had a bit of a rough time on here and lost all confidence @Till23. Even responding to you is more than what I would have done.

My fear stems from an incident on here and I’m only just begun being able to talk a little more. I wasn’t even able to say what was going on in my life. Normally I would only post between 5 and 10 pm. So this is a huge achievement from me. 

I hope you are ok? 

ps. I have blonde hair and green eyes so I’m close. The blonde is out of a bottle though. 😜 

[Captain24]

Thanks @Shaz51 you’re pretty awesome too.