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looking4answers
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Full-time carer for father - CAN I MOVE OUT???

I'm not doing very well, I have many struggles with mental health and now physical health but today I'm just here for some answers so I can try to be happy and have a life. I'm 26, no education, no savings, no license, no nothing. I care for my father full time and live with him and we've gotten to the point I just can't be here anymore, I'm scared I will actually hurt myself oneday , I'm just a mess but have been too scared to ever get help or anything, my anxiety is a bit out of control lately, it was easy to become his carer 5 years ago when mum walked out on my father (wife and carer) and I took over, things were very different, he needed help and I was able and home helping anyway. I need to be an adult now and have a life.. I've lost all my friends, I don't even use social media, I don't take care of my looks or health, I just stay home and care for him his house his dogs and I dont even shower somedays. I've always been under the impression I have to stay here, my question to all other full time carers please, do you HAVE to live in with the person you care for? I'd like to move out, is that possible?? I've been googling for weeks and can't find answers, I'm still wanting to be a carer for him (I've kinda been talking to dad and he understands I can't be a carer much longer and we will cross that bridge soon) and I will happily get myself here every morning or lunch or night whatevers he needs but I need somewhere to call my own, I dont have anything but my room here and it makes me cry endlessly, I want my own lounge and kitchen and to have things how I'd like no issue for anyone. i'm so scared if I move out I lose everything or they say I can't be a carer for him, I have no other income or job experience and why would anyone hire me and not someone who has just lost employment due to corona or have children ? I feel so stuck and petrified that I keep halting my future. My hopeful plan is to get myself a unit, still care for dad and get a casual job when he doesnt need me so i can have an outlet for life,income,social - I've read 25 hours is allowed? See these are things I dont know clearly... 
I apologize if this is a mess, I kinda am right now and really would appreciate if anyone out there has an answer for me or advice.. Thank you and I hope you are taking care of yourself today and everyday xxx

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Full-time carer for father - CAN I MOVE OUT???

Hello @looking4answers 

 

Welcome to the forums, yikes it sounds like that while caring for your father you have stopped caring for yourself, a trap a few of us carers have fallen into and is not helpful to either ourselves or the person we care for.

 

Can I ever so gently encourage you to connect with Carers Australia or a similar organisation where you can get some guidance and counseling that will help you get back on track so both you and your Dad get the care you both need.  Gosh Looking4, doing things on our own is too hard and getting some help is often the best thing we can do for ourselves.

 

You do not have to live with the person you care for as explained on the carer payment application form link below).

 

If you are planning on moving out it might be wise to get some financial counseling as you said you have no savings. Working out a budget and getting a savings plan underway so you can come up with bond and moving expenses, as well as working out how you will  be able to pay for food and amenities once you do have your own place. Centrelink have free financial counselors that are able to help you.

 

If you are to continue caring for your father you might need to find a place with adequate public transport to his place and the cost of that needs to be taken into consideration in your budget too.

 

Having a list of items (kitchen/ linen/ laundry) you would need in your own place and collecting things as you find them at op shops or on sale could be helpful too.

 

While you are planning your independence, you might find that doing a course or two that may help with employability.  You don't have to be with your father 24/7 and it is ok for you to get a part time job or join a hobby group or the like where you can meet others with similar interests to you even while you still live at your father's place.  

 

Link:

 https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/sites/defa...

Re: Full-time carer for father - CAN I MOVE OUT???

Hello @looking4answers.  Of course you can move out if you want to.  Sounds like your father understands that you can't be his carer indefinitely.  It will take some planning though, and as Darcy points out. 

 

It costs money to secure a bond, connect electricity, phone, food, and all of the other things we need to live independently.  A very healthy thing to want for yourself by the way.  But it will mean having a job.  Don't know that part time work would be enough to cover the rents charged today.  Carer allowance might make up the difference?  Darcy has advised making contact with Carers Australia.  I think this is a good idea, too. 

 

Do you have your name on the Department of Housing Housing waiting list?  I know that wait time can be long, but if your circumstances are compelling your application can be made more speedy, and rent would be affordable. 

 

First off I would begin to plan.  Make contact with Carers Australia.  Register for housing with the department of housing.  Save as much money as you can afford.  Buy little things from the op shop that you think will make your place look nice.  Kitchen stuff, etc.  It will be exciting and give purpose.  

 

First off you need a plan.  But in answer to your original question, YES, you can move out and live independently.  All of us want that as adults. . Provision could be made for your father through local community services during the times you are not there, and you seem prepared to give 25 hours of your own time. 

 

Start planning looking4.  And stay connected here to let people know how you are going. 

 

My best to you.  

 

~ Climatechange.  

 

 

 

 

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