Hi all,
My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia 24 years ago when he was 19.
Previously Mum has been able to look after him - cook, clean, remind him of medication, remind him of doctors appointments, but now she is 84 and has had a heart condition for 5 years. Up til 3 years ago I considered that he would move in with me when Mum and Dad were gone and the family would chip in and help to look after him. The past 3 years has changed all this. I am now at a loss as to what happens next. I cannot care for him the way his illness has overtaken him. He is now hostile, aggressive, constantly talks to himself, and is verbally abusive to Mum and myself.
As a history he has never left home, has never had a girlfriend, the two friends he had at 19 did not keep in touch due to his illness. He has only had a job when I had a business and employed him, and he has not worked for 20 years. He used to have maybe two or three good months per year with 10 months of battling the illness. He has been in and out of hospital with 3 month stays to barely a week depending on how many beds were available at the time. One new years eve they sent him home suddenly when he was clearly not well yet because they needed the beds and we would visit everyday, so they asked if he could come home and we could always bring him back if he deteriated, which he did one week later.....The very first stay was horrendous and an eye opener of how bad the mental health system in QLD really is. He has been back to hospital maybe 15 - 20 times, we have lost count of how many birthdays, christmas, planned holidays, special events have been missed due to positive symptoms of the illness or hospitilisation. I feel hospital is no help at all - they dose him up with triple doses of medications and sleeping pills and we spend all our time havng discussions with doctors who want to change medictions against his wil and put him on injections when he is compliant. His symptoms happen while he is on medication.
My brother is one of the rare ones who takes his medications daily and has no wish to go on injections. He has always been compliant with antiphyschotic medication. He also has taken adjuct medications for the past 20 years which did help at the beginning, always together with his prescribed medications and with the knowledge of his doctors. This has been a constant battle to provide some type of a life for him. My Mum was a nurse and we spent the past 24 years trying to keep him out of hospital as he never want to go back there again. He used to have 50 voices in his head but over time it has been reduced to about 10 voices, but he has never lost this symptom even on medication.
Anyway the point of finally reaching out to SANE after 24 years is to ask for help and advice.
My brother has basically been delusional for 3 years with no good days. The doctors won't prescribe sleeping pills for him so he takes mountains of chemist bought sleep tablets. He aggressively refuses to go back to hospital. Mum also refuses to call the acute team because hospital does not help him. Dad will not call the acute team and go against Mums wishes. I agree hospital does not help him but there is no other choice. When he goes to hospital Mum will visit every day as she has done everytime and it is not a break for her at all. I will drive her there after I finish work at 6pm. No one in the family thinks the hospital helps at all. We don't feel supported by the follow up care, and case workers never do any good to help him at all...............It all seems hopeless....
Here is a list of what Mum and Dad are dealing with. What I need advice with - is this all just part of the illness, can all this hostility and agression be excused and ignored? If a stranger treated my Mum and Dad this way every day I would have them charged for abuse? Is this reasonable that anyone should have to put up with this behavious let alone two 84 year olds with heart conditions? If so do I just stop going to help my parents because of the aggression my brother shows me? Any advice would be welcome.....
- He will yell in a hostile manner at my Mum when she is trying to talk to him
- If I ask him not to talk to Mum that way he will yell at me. Mum then tries to calm him by saying it's fine. Then he will hold her and stand behind her and say "talk to her she says it's fine" I will tell him it's not ok for him to talk to me this way and he will storm off down the hallway or keep yelling at me. If he keeps yelling at me I will have to say nothing or it will escalate into more aggresion and I am fearful then he will become angry towards someone.
- Mum will ask if he wants some dinner cooked and he will answer very aggresively - "OF COURSE MOTHER"
- When asked why he doesn't cook for himself he says it's good for Mum to do it for him.
- Another problem is that Mum says it's fine she can cook for him while she is alive
- He talks constantly to himself in a load voice - Dad has industrial earmuffs he wears in the house to block out the noise
- Dad will not eat at the table with him as he is too loud and will go and sit in his room when my brother is in the kitchen
- Last 3 months he has been swearing excessively which is a new symptom and is definetly not allowed in our house
- Mum can barely walk down the stairs at home but he will make her go to the doctors with him to use her disability permit cause he can't find a park close to the clinic. Mum is too kind to say no
- In the midddle of the night he will bang the walls and suddenly yell out at the top of his voice some random comment
- He constantly talks to the voices and it is quite aggressive - " YEAH THATS RIGHT, YOU F#@$%ER, mumble, mumble F@#$%, mumble mumble F#$%ing mumble mumble - for up to 4 hours at a time, sometimes this goes on for weeks, I don't even think he sleeps. When I stay over I can wake up at 2 or 3 am and he is still talking to himself
- I talked to him about buying a granny flat for him (I was paying for it - no cost to him) so he could have his own space and he got very aggressive and told me I don't live there and I can F@#$ off and not come back and I can't kick him out of his own house. He said that he owned it with Mum and Dad (not true, but it is his when Mum dies)
- I said when Mum was gone he would need to live in a granny flat with me as he can't look after himself and he said he doesn't need any help, he can cook and clean for himself (which he never does now)
- When I ask him not to yell he just gets louder and if I ask him not to yell at Mum he just says she says it's fine, mind my own business
I feel like I have not even touched the surface of what it's like to live with someone with schizophrenia. It is so much worse than what these words portray. I feel sorry for my brother having this illness but worse I feel sad for my parents. After 40 years of looking after him and providing for him this is how he treats them in their old age. At home as kids we are not allowed to swear, we are not allowed to raise our voices, we must show respect for our Mum. This was all super important and Dad was always pulling us up to be polite and respectful.
I'm at the point where I feel like I should report elder abuse and get the police involved.
My sisters say send him to hospital and don't let him come home, but I don't live with Mum and Dad and it's Mums choice to have him home after a stay. Also he is very good at going to hospital and convincing them he is ok and they will send him home. Then one week later he will have a major paranoid phychotic episode and the hospital will say why did you wait so long? Can't you pick the triggers by now and send him in before he is violent? Very Frustraing.......
I feel like if I call in the acute team myself Mum will hate me and Dad will be relieved but what happens then. He just comes
back home and it starts again. Oh and the 3 months or more of my brother not talking to me because I sent him to hospital when he was taking medications.
As far as I'm concerned there is no excuse for violence - not drug abuse, not alcohol, not stress, so why do we put up with it because of mental illness?? I have always loved and supported my brother and helped Mum to care for him at home but now I have no desire to even go and visit. This is a huge concern because I spend every Sat, Sun, Mon at Mum and Dad's helping with shopping, medications, doctors appointments, taking bins out and back in the next day. I really need to be there every week and It is not a choice to stay away. Instead I feel sick going over to visit wondering what it's going to be like today..... I'm not even sure I want to look after him anymore....
Can all this behaviour be excused?????
He won't agree to NDIS help, he doesn't want a social worker.
Any advice anyone may have would be much appreciated or is there just no answer......
Tired and sad.
Gwendolyn
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13 YARN