Being misstreated

[Appleblossom]

Yes its almost time for me to be going to bed @Troubled_One.

I often obssess about a lot of things ... I figure if there are enough things then its not really an obssession cos my mind wonders around among the different things that concern me.

Sometimes I have to pull myself up ... and sometimes I have to let my stubborn mind run its course ... cos if I interrupt it ... it will go back to where it was anyway.

And so bit by bit my thoughts change and morph this way and that.

Hope you are doing ok Lee

How come I am the one that always gets the nicknames ... 4 eyes .. specs ... absent-minded professor ... Isabella is pretty ... and @PeppiPatty insists ...

[Appleblossom]

Happy Christmas @Troubled_One

[Troubled_One]

Hey apple merry christmas I hope you had a good one?

For me,

mine was bad.

met with my family and brother and half brother, but it was hell and am realising why i am constantly in hell this knee troubles me so much, at the table i got so angry cause i could not join in because i feel i cant i said i was leaving and left.

merry christmas at @PeppiPatty

sorry not in a better mood but i am sick of this. staying inside all day feeling like i dont belong all the while knowing if my leg was better i would join in and fit in to life and my family, but i just cant i have no confidents to stand up to people and just be myself and my family would just tell me i am talking about the past but its for life now.

This is why i work so hard cause i am so depressed and in such a low mood all the time life is beyond difficult.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Troubled_One,

Sorry to hear that you had a rough day. 

Christmas day in particular can be challenging because there's so much emphasis on family and friends. 

Unfortunately, you are not alone. Many people feel like they don't belong. Please remember, just because you feel this way, doesn't mean it's the truth.

I'm worried because you mentioned that you're feeling really low. Are you feeling safe tonight? It's great you're on here chatting.

But if things get too much and you feel at risk, please don't hesitate to contact crisis support.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Mensline 1300 789 978 (if relevant - sorry, not sure of your gender)

If in immediate danger: 000

CherryBomb

[Troubled_One]

@CherryBomb  I just realised today that I am in a low mood and psychotic all the time because I just dont quite fit in I feel with my disability,

I went for a walk just then and made me feel a bit better, but I have those numbers on my phone if I start feeling unsafe again.

[CherryBomb]

@Troubled_One

Yes, please do call those numbers if you start feeling unsafe.

A sense of belonging is something that most people struggle with from time-to-time. This is further complicated by having a disability. Please remember that this is not because of you. Having a disability is health issue, and like having a cold, it does not mean that there's something wrong with you.

Have you ever felt like this before @Troubled_One?

[Troubled_One]

I have felt it before,

But today with the family it was more clear why I am always paniced and never wanting to be around people. This is the first time our whole family has been together for chirstmas for 15 years and made me see more clearly why I do not fit in in socail life.

I am so easily tempted to panic because of my confidents and today made me realise with my family why.

And there are all the past and present problems contributing to everything.

[CherryBomb]

@Troubled_One

Most people would find seeing their family after 15 years daunting and nerve wracking. Not that I want to take away from the panic that you faced, but what I'm trying to get at is that it was an understandable trigger.

Please remember that these are only thoughts, they are not necessarily the truth. 

In the past, how have you gotten through feeling this way?

[Troubled_One]

I think that is what might have got me without knowing it, seeing my family together and especailly when they all act like nothing is wrong maybe not for them but for me I am always scared. My anxieties usually are at 100%.

When I am like this normally I just panic and lose my mind until I find some truthful way out but today, when I went for a walk it was like a bit of pressure was lifted off perhaps I do not have to understand everything like its my religion.

[Appleblossom]

Sorry you had a tough day @Troubled_One.  I just wondered how you were.  It seems you also had a lot of realisations about family though.

It has helped me a lot to take control of my christmas .. and decide not to let the whole silly season upset or control me ... we were just quiet and pleased ourselves. 

Glad you popped onto the forum ... stay safe.