Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Col1]

Whatever! What a stupid title, but thats how I feel. My head is a jumble of thoughts. I dont know where to begin. I just want to cry all the time. My family doesnt understand how bad I feel. I just make them miserable.  I dont want to have a victim mentality but cant seem to make myself better. I havent always felt this way. Only in the past year or so. I cant seem to function properly and drink all the time but that (of course) doesnt help. I try to stop and can last only a week. Im on antidepressants but they dont seem to be working either. I put it down to menopause and no thyroid, but that excuse is wearing thin. Doesnt help that mental illness runs in the family. I try to go for long walks, learn the piano, do yoga, eat crap though. But i cant be bothered doing that any more. My ballooning weight is getting me down.  I just want to be the vibrant me I used to be. I look to the future but dont see any. My husband has Parkinsons, and I need to be strong for him, but find it increasingly harder. My children and grandchildren need me to be strong. They depend on my strength but I just dont have any, anymore...... Sorry for the rant. I just needed to..... I dont even know if Im in the right forum. Im sure someone will tell me though...

[Mozoman]

@Col1 you need to give the antidepresants a while before they work. Take my word for it, drinking will redner them useless. Talk to your gp as there is medication that you can use whilst talking the antidepresant that will stop the cravings. Your gp will know the medication im referring to

I changed antidepresants via my gp as the ones i was on made me gain weight, now im not

Stay strong.... And im not one to preach but as a recovering alcoholic stopping was the best thing i ever did, and that was approx 11 years ago.

Stay strong

[Col1]

Ive been on the antidepressents for about a year. Ive had to increase the dosage a couple of times. Im beginning to think it may be since I stopped the HRT patches about 3 months ago. It makes sense. But your right about the alcohol. I just needed someone to re-affirm it! Its just really hard to stop. Its the only thing that numbs me. Then I regret it. I will try again though. I will see my gp about the antidepressents as well. Thanks for your input.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Col1  Welcome.  I'm fairly new on here as well.  I hope that you find it helpful chatting on here, there are alot of people here that understand.   

[utopia]

Hi @Col1. I too have been on antidepressants for years and I used to drink when on them. The alcohol really did make my depression worse. I've had no alcohol for over 9 weeks & the difference is huge. My thinking is getting clearer. My sleeping is better. Of course I still have to work through the issues I was trying to cover up with drinking. Which leads me to ask:
Are you seeing a psychologist or other counselor? We can't always do things on our own. SSometimes we need professional help. If you had a broken leg, you wouldn't try to fix it yourself. Same with depression.
You have so much on your plate at the moment. Expectations from family and friends. Your own expectations. It sounds like you are exhausted. When is it going to be time to look after you? There is a reason we are told to put on our own oxygen masks before helping to put on others. We need to be healthy first.

[Col1]

Ive seen a psychologist a couple of times. The same one but only lasted a couple of sessions. She concentrated on my giving up alcohol first so I never got to the source of the problem, why I drink in the first place. I think I know why I drink because of something that happened as a child, which the psychologist knew about but we never talked about it.  I tried to see someone else. Four others around my area but they weren't taking new patients. I prob should try again. With the input I have had so far, all points to me going back to my gp, which I will do next week, thanks.

[utopia]

I started with a new psychologist this year. He used to work in drug and alcohol, so he's a bit of an expert. It's great because he is helping me stay sober, as well as looking at my feelings, my past and teaching me knew coping strategies. Maybe your gp could find a psychologist that specialises in drug and alcohol - or vise versa.
I'm pleased you haven't given up the fight andyou are seseeing your gp soon. Definitely sounds like the way to go.

[pip]

Hi Col 1. If you drink to 'numb' the pain of the memories caused by whatever happened, you will realize what a vicious cycle you're taking. Yes, drinking DOES numb the pain, momentarily, till the next time you have the urge to drink, then the next and so on etc. After a while you realize you've moved from one addiction, to another. The first addiction being the one you drank to escape the memory of. The memory was the addiction, the drink helped you escape that. Perhaps you should mention to your Dr about your painful experience and ask him to help you with that. He may then be able to recommend the right help. Psychologists are only as helpful as the patient lets them. If you can talk to your psych about your pain, and mention you drink to 'blot' the pain, then the psych has a base to build on. Next time you see your Dr tell him/her about your painful memory, explain you drink to blot the memory. Tell your Dr you need help 'confronting' the memory. With help, once you confront the memory, you should then be free to move on with rebuilding your life. You need to be free from hurt, you need help to free yourself.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Col1

From what I read, I got that you are used to being the tower of strength with a sick husband and 2 younger generations to care for.  You might have compassion fatigue.  You deserve support for yourself so that you can be strong for the others and for you.

Good Luck finding a good counsellor .. and take the drinking issue seriously in a manner that makes sense to you.

regards Apple