Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tigermoth]

I have a question which I could really use some advice about. My husband has had PTSD since 2014. Recently he has begaun seeing a young woman who has anxiety and depression. She gets very agitated quite easily and he is returning to how he was when he was first diagnosed. He is now back to episodes of crying and uncontrollable anger. Does anyone have any advice as to how I can reverse this. He was almost back to being a fully function person but now he is back to where he was in 2014

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @tigermoth

Just to clarify when you say that he "has begun seeing" do you mean dating outside your marriage? or maybe you mean he is supporting her within a mental health support group? I know some allocate specific support people

It sounds like a difficult situation as you dont have a lot of control, the question is almost how do you give when you are depleted yourself? which could very well relate to both your husband and yourself (having supported him through the prior depressive phase of PTSD) 

so your question of how can you help him regain the steps he had taken and stabilise again when he continues in the role of support person is unclear...

can he do both? what do other people think?

[tigermoth]

Hi

To clarify they are just going out. Yesterday they went for a day trip to Stradbroke Island. Tonight they are going for a walk to watch the sunset and then a dinner and a movie. I tried speaking with him yesterday about how he is regressing and all I want is for him to recover again, hinting that his friend needs to either modify her behaviour or perhaps exit the scene for a little while. He phoned her this morning and told her what I said and her response..... cut your wife loose, she's cramping our style..... what do you do? 

[Former-Member]

Hi @tigermoth,

This sounds like a very stressful situation for you! Also sounds like this "friend" is wanting a relationship with your husband. "Cramping our style" could indicate that. How does your husband see it? Can he notice that his mood and behaviour is changing?

The  female friend sounds quite needy and your husband is doing more than could be reasonably expected in giving his time and attention. Are you able to request that your husband no longer has contact with her? Who else do you have to talk with about this problem?

Best wishes,

Frog

[tigermoth]

hi

He thinks I'm being unreasonable, he doesnt accept that he is getting worse and his psychologist is absolutely furious

[Former-Member]

I think it is inappropriate for your husband to be a support for a young woman, full stop. Two people with distressing emotional ups and downs, trying to support each other is a potential recipe for disaster in your marriage.

The young woman is showing strong signs that she wants him to herself and your husband may increasingly feel he cannot cut ties with her, even if his original intention was honourable.  This is not a healthy situation.

If your husband is getting worse with PTSD symptoms, his time with this woman could be a means of escape or avoidance of his usual world too.  The whole situation looks really difficult to navigate. God bless you with wisdom for this time. Take good care of yourself.

[tigermoth]

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I would agree it is no good for the marriage. I left for campus early tofay. I dont have a class till tonight but at present I feel very uneasy at home. This woman and her constant phoning and texting is driving me insane. I am currently so confused I couldnt even work out proportions for a recipe in my head and gave up. 

His psychologist is very worried about him and actally came over to our house last night. He had cancelled his appointment saying he didnt need help any more and he became quite concerned. He told him he wasnt to see her anymore. After he left he forbade me to speak to him again and he became so depresed he cried all night.

[Appleblossom]

Sorry to hear you are in this predicament.  You seem very accommodating.

After 12 months with my husband I started to feel uncomfortable in my home.  After 2 years in my marriage I told my husband that he cared more about his ex than me and that a marriage was supposed to be between 2 people.  I stayed on in the marriage for 16 years and left with physical and emotional health in tatters.

Take care of yourself and set boundaries on him .. or create a nest for yourself without him.