Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tyme]

Hey @Persevere ,

To be honest, unless one is willing and ready to put in 100% percent into treatment for BPD, it's not going to work. It is such hard hard work.

I first had symptoms when I was 17. I was diagnosed in my early 20s, then to be honest, I saw a psychiatrist and psychologist here and there, but looking back, I really don't think I was ready to make changes. My brain was young. I was foolish. I said I wanted help, but I really didn't want to do anything. I guess I expected recovery to be handed to me.

Then over the decade, I had more and more hospital admissions. I didn't think I was going to make it past my 26th birthday. I was an absolute mess and I hated life.

I moved from NSW to Vic and cut off ALL ties from family and friends because I blamed them for my issues. When I was in Vic and had no one, it was okay for 6 months, and then it was downhill from there. Things got from bad to worse and I knew that if I didn't seek help, I'd be dead. That's what prompted me to give MBT a go. I gave my everything for the therapy. I travelled 3-4 hours round trip just to get to Spectrum. 

It was damn hard work. And I did it. I couldn't rely on family or friends. It was a journey I took alone so I could prove to myself that it was my issue and I had to be the one to make changes.

Looking back, I was not ready at all when I was in my 20s. I was about 33 when I started treatment for BPD. You have to really be ready, otherwise it's a waste of money and time.

[Persevere]

So glad to have joined this forum. Does anyone have any successful experience supporting your loved one diagnosed with BPD? Any personality disorder specialist clinic which has been effective for your loved one? Thanks much.

[tyme]

Hey @Persevere ,

I can't say I have supported a loved one with BPD, but I can say I have BPD and I've had incredible support during my BPD journey.

In NSW, Project Air is the main personality disorder service.

In Vic, Spectrum BPD is the BPD specialist.

There are also services in SA.

Where abouts are you located?

Evidence-based therapies for BPD include DBT, MBT, ACT, schema-therapy and narrative therapy. I engaged in 18 months of solid Mentalisation based therapy (MBT). I can honestly say that I've come out with a 'changed brain'. The therapy is so unique, but it works. So much so that it's not even about having to continually practicing skills such as what I would have to do with DBT - it actually teaches you to think in a completely different way.

[Persevere]

We arrived in Melbourne 5 months ago for my daughter’s first year at uni.

It is refreshing to hear of your successful recovery. Was the 18 months you did a full time thing that has to be attended everyday or once a week etc? Reason I am asking is so we can plan accordingly around going to school and attending therapy. 

[hluppy]

Hi @Persevere Spectrum (in Richmond) have online and face to face sessions for carers as well as people with a recent diagnosis of BPD. Their website is: https://www.spectrumbpd.com.au/resources-and-support/for-carers where you can also find out how to get a referral for your loved one if this is what you are looking for. However, the waitlist is quite long as unfortunately there are not many other services that offer support such as they do (group and individual sessions), up to 2 years.

The Bouverie Centre (in Brunswick) also has a 2 day workshop for carers. I believe the next one may be running next year, but you can register your interest on their website: https://www.latrobe.edu.au/research/centres/health/bouverie/families-and-communities/groups/frh

Hope that helps 🙂

[Persevere]

Thank you all. 

I have spoken with Spectrum and my daughter is not eligible to benefit from Spectrum. They have given me a list of private clinics for consideration instead. I think my biggest challenge is to convince my daughter to want to go for therapy. It’s not that she has completely shut down the option . It’s just the level of desire isn’t there. At the moment, it is very much driven by me. 

@tyme if you don’t mind me asking, what were the reasons and/ or circumstances that caused you to only find the right treatment such a long time after your diagnosis?

[Persevere]

@tyme Thank you for the generous and valuable sharing. It sounds like one has to hit rock bottom before being truly ready for therapy. This is what scares me because I don’t know when or if that day will ever come. There is also the risk of her putting herself into risky or suicidal situations until she is ready. As a parent, nothing is more unbearable than seeing your child in pain. I feel stuck in my situation looking after her and not being able to be with my husband who is working in another part of the world. He and I made the decision to stay apart so that I can care for our daughter as much as possible while she attends uni. Given she is not really keen to go for therapy, the decision to stay apart is proving to be harder than we expected. Both of us are feeling miserable living apart and are having doubts about our original plan. 

[tyme]

Hey @Persevere , 

That sounds incredibly tough. I can only imagine how hard it is for a parent to watch their child in pain. The emotional pain of BPD in crippling - so much so that physical pain is more bearable. 

At this time, the most important thing is that you look after your own mental health. There will come a time when your daughter will need to reach out for help. Just always let her know you are there for you. 

Invite her to make the first step, and from my experience, never make it a threat. 

Empower her by using the sentence such as, "You can come to me when you feel ready." "When you feel up to it, I'm here." "Contact me when you are ready".

This teaches them that if they want the validation and support, they will need to make the first step. This is the best place to start.