Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[jthemonkey]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and looking for advice. My best friend (diagnosed with severe depression) hasn't been officially diagnosed, but seems to fit BPD criteria too. His family don't know about either the depression or BPD-like symptoms, they are totally out of the picture. He's alienated all of his other friends (or in his words, they've abandoned him) and as a result I am his friend, carer and parent all in one. He has threatened to take his life if I tell anyone, even a mental health professional or a friend, about what has been going on (and he means it).

My friend is terrified of being alone, constantly blames me for 'leaving' or 'abandoning' (even if that means sitting across the table instead of beside him, meeting other people, or having to leave somewhere early). He also struggles with very low self-esteem / self-hatred and anger. He is very sensitive to things I say and construes them as hurtful / cruel even when I say them as kindly and caringly as possible. We spend more and more time together, which is taking me away from my own family, and yet he feels more and more alone. He also feels 'lost', does not know who he is. He is barely able to get through each day - although this may be more due to the depression. 

I'm really tired, stressed and sad. I don't know if BPD is the right diagnosis. Over the past year or so I've just been giving in more and more, placing his needs first, and there are almost no boundaries left in our friendship... I'm just so afraid of antagonising him by saying no to anything. I'd really appreciate any advice as to what to do! This seems like a really great group.

[Victor]

Welcome to Sane @jthemonkey

I hope that you find the forum useful and searching through the topics you will find many carers who have experienced the distress and stress associated with caring for people experiencing a mental illness.

There are also many members here who have a loved one with BPD and/or Bipolar. There are some interesting discussions that you might want to check out.

One of the best resrouces I've seen is this thread by @Brodie , which is aimed at carers.

Some other discusisons you might find helpful are:

A mother of a son with BPD

I have a daughter with BPD

Borderline Personality Disorder

Feeling lost

Topic Tuesday: Caring for someone with bipolar

I hope these are good starting points.

It also can be as you mentioned stressful, tiring and sad. There are members who often post on how they look after themselves in times that can be extremly distressing. I hope the following is of assistance and wishing you all the best. 

All the best and look forward to you contributing further to the forum.

Victor.

[jthemonkey]

Thank you Victor, I really appreciate it and will check those links out.

[coffeegirl]

Hi @jthemonkey

You're such a great friend - but as Victor pointed out, it's important to look after yourself amongst all this!

Is your friend currently seeing a professional? You mentioned a diagnosis of depression - but I wasn't clear whether they are still getting help.