Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Wordsmatter]

I'm new to not only this forum but any forum...however not a stranger to caring for people with mental illness. With four daughters ranging from 30 to 10 years of age....they all have depression, anxiety, OCD, different stages of psychosis and finally after 10 years one 20 year old daughter has been given the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Sadly she was surprised...my husband and I had our suspicions confirmed. I always thought a diagnosis would make a difference but it doesn't....unless my daughter can participate in treatment it just feels useless. Her one year old twin sons are living with me...her relationship with the father broke down....he left her many times....confirming and cementing her fears of abandonment. She along with her 19 year old sister have been diagnosed with anorexia also.... I can never give up on any of them...I cannot imagine what it is like to be them. Mostly I wish for a society that will help, care, understand and be more proactive in helping these people...help the carers. Today is not one of my positive days....I long to be employed...I have not worked....it hasn't proved to be do-able....and give support at the same time. They take every bit of energy I have and I will continue to be there for them and now 2 of my grandsons. I don't look for light at the end of the tunnel....I look for light in everyday and hang on tight. I empathise with others but have no answers for anyone. My best advice is....don't think you can fix it......allow time to happen......and choose your words carefully when speaking to someone with mental illness....they hear everything so differently....be thankful for the resources available...and mostly just love them.

[JoseJones]

@Wordsmatter,

Welcome to the forum.  I am slightly awed by what you've been through caring for your four daughters, as well as your granddaughters.  I can't even begin to imagine the ups and downs that  you must have had over the years and I don't have any words that could do justice to the enormity of your experiences.   All I can say is thanks for the simple, beautiful message in your post. We cannot control the universe but we can approach each day with love and compassion.  

[JoseJones]

Here's a few more threads you may be interested in reading where other people have shared their experiences of raising daughters with MI.

This thread is about BPD:

http://saneforums.org/t5/Something-s-not-right/I-have-a-daughter-with-BPD/m-p/64633/highlight/true#M...

There's a couple of posts in this thread from carers with daughters with various mental illnesses:

http://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-ourselves/Mentally-ill-adult-daughter/m-p/71770/highlight/tru...

And there's a number of posts in this thread:

http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-stories/EXTREMELY-Concerned-about-Daughter/m-p/50173/highlight/true#M26...

[Wordsmatter]

Thank you for your reply and the recommended posts of others.

[Jo]

  Hi, I have just finished reading your shared story and am in absolute awe of you. I have had my share of caring for family members with mental illness over the decades but never had four to care for at once. And now you have two grandchildren as well. Your attitude is a Beacon of Light to others and one of great inspiration. I am currently going through a bad time with the care of my son but after reading your story, I feel re-inspired to keep going. Like you, I could never give up on my loved ones. Thank you for sharing and being so honest. You have given me some strength today. Thank you again.